In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you think about something other than how much weight you gained during the Weekly Volcano's Tournament of Pizza (or was that just us?).

This week's column takes us to Kent, where family comes first.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

It's easy to relate to this story. Lots of us have siblings. Many of us even have brothers. All of us have dads (even if they flew the coop shortly after learning of our conception). We all have families. Of those brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers, daughters and so on, at least a handful probably suffer from below-average IQ and above-average loser-itis. It happens. In some ways, it all comes down to the law of averages. If you turned out well adjusted, there's a decent possibility other members of your family have issues. Not everyone can be awesome. Facts are facts. (If you're having trouble wrapping your mind around this, um, you might be THE ONE. ...)

But sometimes - as is the case with this amazing tale of drunken idiocy - an entire family seems stricken with the stupids. It's sad, funny stuff. And it almost always makes for awesome Ragnet fodder.

According to published reports on the News Tribune's "Lights & Sirens" blog, two men with the same last name and from the same family were arrested within hours of each other in Kent Sunday, April 3 - both suspected of DUI. Amazingly, according to reports, the arrests came during separate, though equally moronic, incidents. No word on whether both men were wearing camouflage hunting hats, but as this happened in Kent there's at least a 67 percent chance.

Troopers say the first arrest occurred at approximately 12:35 a.m. when a 25-year-old man attempted to do his buddy a solid. Sadly, that solid went horribly, terribly, mindboggling dumb in a hurry. According to reports, the 25-year-old in question was at the juncture of northbound 405 and State Route 169, attempting pick up the car of an intoxicated friend who had just been arrested, when he made contact with police.

Trouble was ... he was drunk too.

There's arrest number one.

According to reports, the second arrest occurred about an hour later when a 29-year-old man, with the same last name, was taken into custody by authorities near the Boeing Access Road on southbound Interstate 5. In addition to driving with a suspended license, police also contend the man - who it seems safe to assume is the first arrestees' brother, though authorities have not confirmed the exact relationship of the two except to say they're family members with the same last name and a shared address - was (drum roll please ...) also drunk!

There's arrest number two.

No word yet on whether they posed for a family photo when being booked into King County Jail. - Lenny the Snagger, Kent DUI & Hunting Hat Correspondent