In every issue of this fine rag the Weekly Volcano's hack team of wannabe journalists tackles some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you find something better to do than spending timing watching videos of hologram Tupac on the Internet.

It's not the most important job, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, along with going big or going home, it's our life's work

This week's column takes us to Interstate 5 in Lakewood, a place that's going to the yappy little dogs.

Enjoy.

Pound or bust

The state Department of Transportation and Washington State Patrol perform many important jobs. The State Patrol keeps us safe on the roadways, for instance. And the Department of Transportation takes down fences around parks that they put up a couple months earlier to keep out hippies ... among other important duties. Both agencies keep busy day in and day out, doing all the things you'd expect them to do.

Sometimes, however, a situation arises that requires the DOT and/or the State Patrol to perform unusual duties on the job. Just such a scenario unfolded last Thursday, April 12.

According to reports on The News Tribune's Lights & Sirens blog by Stacey Mulick, two dogs were found Thursday morning along I-5 in Lakewood, sans owner. Washington State Patrol Trooper Guy Gill tells the Trib the dogs, of the ankle-biting variety, were not wearing collars and didn't have microchips.

Upon finding the dogs, the DOT and State Patrol quickly jumped into action - issuing media alerts and pulling out all the stops to locate the owner of the two ownerless dogs.

According to reports, the dogs were first spotted by an incident response worker on the shoulder of I-5 near Bridgeport Way. Realizing something was amiss - which was clear since there was no dog owner in the vicinity, the dogs were tiny, and it was, like, the freeway and stuff - the incident response worker loaded up the yappers into her vehicle and drove them off the freeway and out of harm's way.

"They were very friendly dogs," trooper Gill tells the Trib. "They didn't run away."

Gill went on to tell the Trib that he didn't know whether the dogs came from a nearby neighborhood, or from a car traveling down I-5. Troopers did respond to a crash on I-5 at the same time the dogs were found, but it was apparently unrelated, as Gill reports that action was further south. 

"We have nothing to identify them at all," Gill is quoted as saying.

No word on whether the State Patrol's forensic team will be brought in to help locate the owners.

As of the time of the Trib's post, the dogs were in the care of Lakewood animal control while the search continued for their owner. On Saturday a commenter on the Trib's site indicated the owner had seen the post and was able to rescue the dogs from the Humane Society, saying they had escaped when a repairman left a door open at their owner's house. It's tough to say if that's true or not, but commenters on the Trib's website rarely spread inaccuracies. - Rover Renshaw, Dog-Related Crime Correspondent