In every issue of this fine rag the Weekly Volcano's hack team of wannabe journalists tackles some of the most laughable criminal acts to have recently happened in our area. Then - if it's doing its job - said team of hack journalists writes about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you find something better to do than sell pit bull puppies on the Internet like Chris Brown.

It's not the most important job, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, along with trimming the fat, it's our life's work.

This week's column takes us to Tacoma, a place where Juggalos sometimes run amok.

Enjoy.

Moving up in the world can be difficult. Climbing the corporate ladder can be a strain. Even advancing in your social group can prove trying.

A band of Juggalos from Tacoma allegedly know this all too well.

According to reports from The News Tribune by Adam Lynn, the three men charged with a home-invasion robbery of a 67-year-old woman living in the 3600 block of South Gunnison Street all have ties to the Juggalos, a ragtag group of knuckle-dragging devotees to the Insane Clown Posse "rap" group.

Bobby Ray McKinney, 26, pleaded not-guilty to counts of first-degree robbery, first-degree burglary and unlawful imprisonment last week, with Pierce County prosecutors contending he gave two of his friends specific directions about how to burglarize the home of 67-year-old Gabriele Senn, described as a friend of McKinney's family. McKinney has reportedly told authorities he'd been inside the victim's home on multiple occasions prior to the recent burglary.

From the Trib's story:

"McKinney told them she had a safe, valuable jewelry and two TVs," the records state. " ... McKinney showed them where they could access the house through the victim's window."

Citing court documents, the Trib reports that McKinney allegedly gave two of his friends directions about how to enter Senn's house, as well as instructions about what to take - including jewelry and TVs. Authorities say 20-year-old Jesse Eugene Grimes and 26-year-old Monaroes Sar then used the info to do just that, in a burglary that involved the two alleged thugs holding Senn hostage while they ransacked her house and attempted to withdraw money from her bank account.

With Grimes allegedly holding Senn at gunpoint, according to court documents cited by the Trib, Sar took Senn's ATM card to a nearby store and attempted to make a withdrawal. When that didn't work, authorities say he returned to the home and the two thieves resorted to stealing necklaces, bracelets, rings and a white coat from Senn.

The Trib reports that Grimes was arrested the night of the incident carrying a big-screen TV out of Senn's house. As of press time Sar was still wanted.

Also according to the Trib, both Grimes and McKinney have told police they're involved with the Juggalos. Prosecutors say Grimes used the crime as a path for advancement within the group, meaning he could face more time behind bars if convicted.

Which would be a total bitch for him, as face paint and fake hip-hop is strictly prohibited in prison. - Jack White, Juggalo-Related Crime Correspondent