In every issue of this fine rag the Weekly Volcano's hack team of wannabe journalists tackles some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something better to do than track Peyton Manning's minute-by-minute whereabouts on Twitter (looking at you, Matt Driscoll).

Enjoy.

Since taking office in 2009 thanks to a wonky election procedure and the wily persistence only a slightly deranged individual could muster, Pierce County Assessor-Treasurer Dale Washam has been an expensive proposition. According to The News Tribune, Washam's various alleged or already-settled misdeeds have potentially put taxpayers on the line for roughly $4 million in lawsuits and legal fees.

Washam has also become the endless butt of jokes for almost everyone inside the Pierce County building. Word on the street is Washam has been known to hold meetings in the parking lot, for fear his entire office has been bugged by enemies.

Word on the street is Washam is fucking nuts.

With multiple lawsuits still pending against Pierce County's assessor treasurer, last week County officials decided to discontinue taxpayer-funded support for Washam's legal services, including attorney fees for defense of multiple damage claims filed by current and former employees. It makes sense considering Washam's track record, which, in addition to the multiple expensive lawsuits, also includes an ongoing probe by the U.S. Department of Justice regarding charges of civil-rights violations at his office and a hearing later this month before the Pierce County Ethics Commission on charges he violated Pierce County's ethics code.

By all indications Washam has earned his reputation.

This week, the Pierce County Council got in a little Washam-stomping of its own, drafting a resolution of no confidence sponsored by Council Chairwoman Joyce McDonald. The resolution, which is still open to revision, asks Washam to voluntarily place himself on administrative leave until the pending litigation against him is complete.

The Council actually lacks the authority to place Washam on administrative leave, you see, so they're left to ask nicely through resolution. Even if passed, however, there's no way Washam will do it - because he's nuts. It's a move perhaps best classified as "symbolic," which is another way of saying moderately pointless.

The resolution expresses a fear that Washam will expose the County to more lawsuits and lawsuit-related costs should he continue on in his job ... which, again, given his track record is hard to argue with. The News Tribune's Sean Robinson reports that the County's decision to cut off funding for Washam's legal battles was at least in part spurred on by Washam's recent appearance at the Dash Point Social Improvement Club, in which he allegedly criticized the damage claims against him by current and former employees and handed out literature referencing his longstanding feuds with employees.

According to Robinson (who probably just warmly refers to Washam as "job security" at this point), Crazy Dale did not respond to a request for comment, but did post a list of accomplishments by his office to his official county website of since his tenure began.

No word if "having great old-man hair" made the list.

But that is one thing Washam does have going for him. - Jack Rafferty, Old Man Hair Related Crime Correspondent