Now that this paper has edged into the political realm, I’d like to offer my 25 cents on an issue which irks me to no avail.



If you’ve read this column for any amount of time, you know that I’m always out and about in different regions of the city, flirting with people and establishments, and this one topic keeps coming up: neighbors hating on the bars and establishments in their area.



These neighbors are grumpy about things like parking, noise, debris and puke. I’ve previously and currently heard about the complaints that they’ve offered in the vicinities around Sixth Avenue, Hank’s, Wow’s and Magoo’s, and the Unicorn.



Here’s the message that I’d like to send to these disgruntled neighbors:



I live in Tacoma’s Eastside where we’re battling tirelessly and we’re in the process of successfully ridding our streets of pimps, hookers, gangsters, drug dealers, tweakers and vagabonds.



Please understand that I would kill, I mean it, KILL, to pressure wash puke from my front yard and sidewalk and pick up trash every single day if it meant that investment was being made in my community and that I could live in a safe neighborhood within handsome communities like yours.



I would love to have skyrocketing property values based on the investments and jobs that these establishments bring to any neighborhood.



I’m lucky enough to have a garage that came with my beautiful home, which is why I’d be stoked to have all kinds of vehicles parked around my house, meaning that my neighborhood was that much of a destination, which would drive all of the assholes out of my hood.



However, I do recognize that the bar owners themselves should bear responsibility with ongoing issues, which brings me to a recommendation I have for all of you people:



Why don’t you develop a good neighbor policy — agreeing to work TOGETHER on ongoing issues rather than wasting time hating on each other (which obviously accomplishes nothing at all).



Instead of running to the police, come together as a group to talk about the concerns you have, and instead of attacking the business owner, figure out ways that you can work on the issue as a team. Joint efforts like these can typically result in creative solutions to address common problems.



A bar owner or the owners in your area can’t address an issue unless they know about it, so open up the line of considerate communication with them.



More than anything, be grateful that these establishments are there because it wasn’t that long ago when most of your neighborhoods were just like mine.



Believe me, you want to have hot dames like me and my girlfriends running around your neighborhood. We never puke, we arrive and depart safely, we draw other people to your neighborhood so they’ll spend money on it, and about the only noise you’ll hear from me are my stilettos clicking on your sidewalk.



Above all else, this is a direct plea from a girl who loves to chase the nightlife as a social chameleon, and I really don’t want anything to ever happen to the establishments that I’ve fallen in love with here in Tacoma.



A good neighbor policy and the agreements within will help you understand that regardless of the concerns that you’re dealing with, you all have one very important thing in common: You all want your community to be the very best that it can be.

Tell me where you like to party at sceneofthecrime@hotmail.com.