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Spreading the rumors

I see all as I make my way through the city

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Rumors are a funny thing, and one thing’s for certain: This town is FULL of them.

Tacoma is small enough to where the smack talk flies and you often don’t know if it’s fact or fiction.

Rumors have seriously been circulated about me my whole life. By the time I was 16, according to the people I went to school with, I’d already been pregnant twice, turned my life over to drugs and contracted HIV. That’s pretty interesting considering the fact that drugs scared the crap out of me then, and I was still a virgin.

That was a great education, though. I’ve never let rumors bother me, and they bounce off me like slingshots launching a pinball.

No matter what, they’re always entertaining.

Some of the latest rumors that I’ve heard about me are that The Husky and I are going steady, that The Pusher is in love with me, that I’m a bitch and I party too much. OK, maybe one or two of these are true.

However, I have a group of friends who are taking the rumor mill to a whole new level: They’re intentionally making rumors up about one another and circulating them. Believe me, it’s hilarious, and the best part is that there are suckers around town who are actually buying into the following stories:

Apparently, Hazel 8 is so totally pregnant, and she’s continuing to drink alcohol. Just last night she was out with us at Asado taking shots right after her ultrasound, and she still had the jelly on her belly. Life is pretty tough when you have to think and drink for two.

Allegedly, Brian recently came clean that years ago he had a sex change. It was duly noted that Brian always has been pretty.

For the record, Natasha is a convicted criminal who was busted for drug smuggling in South America. As it turns out, she knows WAY more about the Scene of the Crime than she’ll ever let on to.

The Husky? Well, we all know that he’s a hermaphrodite — no one could really love Journey THAT much.

Will just took a 17-year-old to prom last weekend. What a dirtbag.

As for me, well, you know that I’m a stripper. My flagship performance to Led Zeppelin’s “Heartbreaker” really has people talking.

And of course, The Weekly Volcano just came out of the closet.

Friday Queen of the Night

After a full week of kicking ass professionally, the extracurricular ambition went into mock speed, and I rolled to my Friday night softball game. We wound up winning by one run. It was such an awesome game, and a killer end of the week.

After, I fancied up and went to Doyle’s where I found so many homies, such as Natasha who was sassing up Doug and Tyson, Sarah, Scott, John, Jason, Jim, Jen, Randy and Mike the Lawyer.

Lady Emmalee arrived after a rough time at work, so it was aptly noted that during the remainder of our night Little Leah and I would make sure that she was treated like a queen. We took in some late-night treats and Cadillac margaritas at Matador with a doting, handsome bartender, and all of her cares in the world disappeared.

Saturday Swirl

Hazel 8, Little Leah and I decided that our mission was to paint the town a purple swirl.

We convened at the Harmon so we could hang out with bartender Shelby, whose dimples are so cute she just can’t seem to put them away.

After, we hustled to the Swiss, put some people in check, and retreated to Doyle’s.

I had such a great time dominating Tacoma with these girls.

I’d paint the town any color for them, especially since Hazel 8 is expecting.

I’m Carmen, your new chameleon.  Drop me your favorite parties here.

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