Genghis Khan Mongolian Grill

Where: 31448 Pacific Highway S., Federal Way, 253.529.4050

Hours: They didn’t want to give out their hours. Oh well.

Cuisine: Fast casual, Asian stir-fry concept.

Scene: Build your own bowls by choosing your own meats, spices, vegetables and sauces, then march over to a massive grill where grillmasters, um, grill it.

Drinkies: Soda, tea, milk

Damage: Dinner buffet is $11.99.



ANNOUNCER: Venturing to Federal Way can feel like taking a trip to another country — if that country is one long seemingly endless strip mall of ethnic restaurants and stores. Though it may feel like you need it, there’s no passport required to stop in and experience any of the many, many dining establishments that line Pacific Highway and the arterial streets. Sizzle. Hiss. Pop. Fry. Scrape. Chop. Flip. Such is the way of Genghis Khan Mongolian Grill.



JASON: Contrary to what must be a common and mistaken belief Genghis Khan, most people do not know what they want to order before they sit down at the table. Let me sit down and look at the menu before insisting I order. Go away for a while. Please.



JAKE: Shhhhhh, you are going to get our food spit in or worse!



JASON: No, this needs to be said. Hey server, instead of asking if I’m ready to order and then leaving when I say no, make a few menu suggestions or explain some of the items to me. I came here to eat. No mystery there. Statistics show that people order specials or suggested items more than 65 percent of the time. Wow, imagine that.



JAKE: Your sarcasm is stunning in its mediocrity. Kind of like the interior of Genghis Khan. The décor appeared to have last seen attention in the ’80s. Booth upholstery outdated, the lighting was Costco bright, zero ambience, and a dirty floor. Pink and aqua blue neon tube lighting ran around the top of the grill area at the ceiling (Hello Genghis Khan? Miami Vice wants its lighting back). The only thing that looked good was the buffet of raw veggies and meats, though the meat did give me pause.



JASON: The meats were sliced very thinly and resembled butter curls, indicating the meat was sliced while frozen and then immediately put on the raw buffet. The beef, pork and chicken were also the only items labeled. Squid, scallops, fake crab, prawns, etc. should have had labels, too. Things could have gotten dicey if, say, I was allergic to seafood.



JAKE: For $11.99 you get to pick up two bowls and start filling them with items off the raw buffet. Meat, seafood, whatever your heart desires. Return as many times as you want. Load up on beauteous earth bounty — sliced white mushrooms, thinly sliced onion, zucchini and jalapeno rounds, snow pea pods, mung bean sprouts, julienne carrots and celery, fat pieces of dark green onion and bok choy, chunks of obviously canned pineapple, bright red tomato and broccoli. The buffet even had slabs of pearly white tofu and tasty, perfectly cooked yellow yaki soba noodles. Don’t worry about keeping raw meat separate. It’ll all see some hot stir-grill action soon enough.



JASON: Stir-grill sounds like something that’s done to you by evil henchmen in a Bond flick. You know, crazy guy asking endless questions. Yes, you get it? No? Skip it then. After loading your bowls up, hit the sauce station. Ginger, oyster, chef’s special, and soy sauce meets rice wine vinegar, salt water, hot oil, sesame oil, minced garlic, fruit juice, and red chili sauce. Follow suggestions written on a large sign hanging above the sauce station or be creative and make your own sauce combo before handing bowls to one of two chefs manning the huge round flat grill. Contents get dumped on the grill and then flip, slap, stir, chop — magic happens. In mere moments, a steamy plate of fantastic hot food with your name on it appears.



JAKE: I sprinkled chopped peanuts liberally on my finished product. I really liked that they were available. And the fried wonton wrapper crisps served as great pushers, kind of like how a biscuit or cornbread is served with soul food.



JASON: Back at our table, a bowl of barely warm white rice had appeared. It was discolored in places (various shades of burnt brown). No thanks. Strangely, rice paper squares were served in a container meant for hot items, but were ice cold. Odd.



JAKE: Equally odd was the beverage situation. Soft drinks came in plastic 20-ounce bottles. No beer, liquor or wine. This might explain the lack of business. Or maybe it’s the non-existent service. Either way, people do love their Kirin and plum wine.



JASON: Yeah, hot tea is just not the same as an icy cold beer to wash down really spicy food. Next time let’s get it to-go and pick up a sixer of brewskis.