ANNOUNCER: They can do it at a trot, and they can do it at a gallop, and if they do it real slow, the boys won’t belch-itate as much — yes, the Western Washington Fair is open for three weeks and the boys are visiting all of their favorites. The Puyallup Fair, as it is known, is the only place where eating greasy foods in the company of farm animals is a good thing. Despite the manure and sweaty farm hands, it’s still a great place to dine on a huge plate of Americana.

JAKE: I look forward to the Fair every year. Because it’s only three weeks, it’s as if a reprieve on eating light has been lifted — after all it’s only three weeks.

JASON: And then you say football season is a reprieve, then Oktoberfest, followed by two weeks of Halloween and so on. Who are you trying to fool?

JAKE: We hit the Fair Monday, 10 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. to provide plenty of time to stuff ourselves, rest, stuff ourselves, nap, repeat. 

JASON: I started with the Krusty Pup because it’s my all-time Fair favorite. On the side of the trailer where they disperse these corn dogs, the Sales Family posted a note warning fairgoers to not substitute a regular corn dog for a Krusty Pup. I nodded in agreement, until I took my first bite. My Krusty was stale — chewy — icky. What happened? Typically, these puppies are crisp and fresh. Bad batch? Maybe. But avoid the Krusty Pup booth at the corner of Blue Ribbon Avenue and Midway Boulevard.

JAKE: Scones are, much to my embarrassment, my favorite — even though I admit they are a bit of a cliché. They ring in at $1.25 this year and taste exactly the same as last year. What may be more shocking is the lack of lines Monday on dollar day for the midway rides. I expected huge crowds, which usually mean long scone lines, but not Monday. I waited for no one.

JASON: New to the Fair this year is Nuclear Ice Cream near the Showplex opposite the beer garden. Billed as a quick freeze, I was fairly impressed with the hard form and distinctly Dairy Queen flavor. Not soft serve, these cones don’t melt as fast. Not bad.

JAKE: I am always amazed at the number of food options I think are new but discover they’ve been at the Fair for years. It happens to me every year. Monday I discovered a new, yet old taste — a corn fritter at the corner of Grand Avenue and the north entrance into the Grandstand — the sign screams the word fritters. Fried nearly black, these little round balls of soft-in-the-middle fritters with honey butter satisfied deeply my desire for rich food. The fried cheese sticks looked good too.

JASON: Noticeably absent this year is fresh lemonade. The Duris fruit shack in the middle of Midway Boulevard sold fresh squeezed lemonade with the lemons for years. That booth is now gone, and the only Duris booths didn’t offer it. In its place, many stands are selling electric yellow lemonade that tastes like wet Lemonheads. The kids seem to like it, but it’s no substitute for what was once available.

JAKE: After a day of eating crap, I settled into BBQ Pete’s for dinner — I wasn’t disappointed. Large portions and quality meat, the barbecue ribs and chicken combo with beans and corn on the cob for $12.95 was reasonable (in Fair standards). It also provided a more substantial meal. Cooked juicy — I highly recommend it to quell a sugar rush.

JASON: At the info booth, the Fair hands out a Healthy Fare Listing for those who can’t let the diet go. Printed on green paper with a map, they list the booths selling products that might fit vegetarian and low-fat needs. At Hamburger Myers they recommend the Fair burger — a staple with fired onions — without the bun. What’s the point? The Fair only comes once a year — pig out, you have 49 weeks to recover.

The Western Washington “Puyallup” Fair

Ninth and Meridian, Puyallup, www.thefair.com

Hours: Through Sept. 21, Sunday-Thursday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m., Friday-Saturday, 10 a.m. to 11 p.m.

Scene: Straw, cow poop, midway rides, onion burgers, people hawking hot tubs — all the good stuff.

Cuisine: All the stuff that makes for weight gain, belching and cranky kids — got to love it.

Drinkies: Beware of the lemonade. Mostly Pepsi products, water. A beer garden and a wine tasting garden located near the Gold Gate.

Menu

Scones >> $1.25

Small beer >> $6

Corn Fritters >> $6.95

Chicken dinner >> $8.95