Place: The Hardware Store Restaurant

Location: Vashon Island

Day: Sunday

Time: 13:20

Wait for table: 30 minutes

Wait for drinks: 25 minutes

Wait for food: 35 minutes

Sundays: Limited breakfast menu only

And maybe: A burger or two

Hardware available for sale: No

Hardware on display: No

Hardware rhymes with: Underwear!

Sad fact: I'm still immature

Western Washington has been suffering from sun constipation. Sun constipation is the inability of a geographical region to produce sun, therefore creating bloating, cramping and general irritability within the area's population. Sun constipation - I just made that up.  I'm totally going to copyright that s***.

It looks as though (occasionally) Tacoma receives some sort of enema and/or large dose of milk of magnesia, because once in a while the sun will release itself all over your day. Let's consider it a more pleasant definition of "golden shower." ... 

Unless you're into that kind of thing, then I say to each his own.

The last time sun was released upon Tacoma, we boarded the ferry to Vashon Island.

Across the water, atop the small island of Vashon, lies a bounty of produce farms, gardening nurseries, indie shops, burger joints, solid Vashon go-local pride and a generous bike lane (running the entire 14 miles of island territory). The serene absence of road noise and hurriedness immediately lowered my blood pressure.

The Hardware Store on Vashon Island had been recommended for lunch, and by the looks of the all-day line to get in, we weren't the only ones searching for tool-inspired food. Originally the island's hardware store (duh), dining booths were crafted from reclaimed wood found inside the building. 

With only about 12 items on the menu, I was dying to try the corned beef hash with eggs, red beets and hollandaise - but they were sold out of the damned thing. Just my luck. So instead, I picked up a delicious Artistic Skillet made with zucchini, squash, tofu, red pepper and eggs. 

We received our check in a cute cigar box, accompanied by a pen that looked like a wrench and organic dark chocolate nibbles for each of us. Teases. Sorry, but I'm going to need more than a "nibble" when it comes to chocolate, OK?

Satisfied from good food, tranquility and a dose of sunshine, I felt inspired to tackle my next endeavor - getting Jeff Renner to say "sun constipation" on KING 5. You heard it here first!

[The Hardware Store Restaurant, 17601 Vashon Highway SW, Vashon, 206.463.1800]