I must share a little story of a fashion show from about two weeks ago at 21 Commerce. I'd spent Friday night at an after party till 4:30 a.m., and yet, somehow I managed to get to the IN BLOOM FASHION SHOW AT 21 COMMERCE at 11 a.m. Saturday (I only nap between parties). HANDSOME AND PROTECTOR met me there, as did PRETTY BOY SEAN AND KELLY. Even GO MUSIC wrestled himself away from his debauchery to join us. The mimosas were yummy. The brunch buffet was tasty. I adored most of the clothes. Nothing special about all that, right? Here's the kicker: The pretty announcer carefully enunciated through all of her sentences and had a real penchant for the words BOHEMIAN, GYPSY AND SMALL. Still not so special? Try paying attention with Handsome's irreverent whispered heckling in your ear. I was dying, biting my cheek trying not to laugh, while at the same time trying to get him to shut up. Right at the end, after the last model, I thought it was safe to relax. The announcer, bless her heart, stated that DAME LOLA will be open for shopping and there will be champagne and that she loves cheese. She said it so matter-of-factly that it caught me off guard, and I was confused until Handsome repeated it in an over-the-top Will Ferrell Anchorman voice: "AND I LOVE CHEESE," causing six grown women around us to totally giggle out loud like little girls. I just gave up.

Tuesday, May 10

A local teriyaki/sushi joint recently changed owners, losing its sushi chef in the process. This kind of stuff happens. The restaurant's name changes, menus adjust or other chefs get hired.  Not so here. Handsome, Darling and I tried to order lunch. After every item asked for the waitress gave a little smile, saying, "Ahhhh, sorry, we don't have that. No chef." After five hopeless tries, I walked away. We ended up with combo teriyaki.  Mine was nowhere close to hot and tasted wrong. Handsome and Darling laughed at me, so, of course, I'll hate them till they die.

Thursday, May 12

THE SHOTGUN FROM OLYMPIA is a duo, but they rocked like a full band at the Kitchen. BIG MAN met me for cocktails before we attempted to finish an enormous two-foot bottle of Italian pinot grigio at his pad. I had to tap out. Not even I could manage that one.  On the way home, this car kept speeding up next to me. Thinking I was getting looked at by AN UNDERCOVER COP OR A PSYCHO (paranoia gripping me), I went to the closest gas station.  Turned out to be a car full of young guys catcalling: "Hey girl, what you doing? Wanna party? You lookin' hot!"  Of course I ignored them.

Saturday, May 14

A college graduation kegger is always a great way to start the night. Go Music and I stopped in for PBRs, gave CONGRATS TO KIRSTIN, grilled a grad named Earl about what his future career plans are and then headed to DRAKE'S NEW TOP FLOOR SHANGRI-LA ROOM for some rock and metal. It's $10 each still at midnight, not to mention hot and loud with weak drinks. We ducked out. After an expensive, brief stop at THE LOFT, 2 a.m. found us with HOTTIE INTERN MEMPHIS at ON THE ROCKS for after hours.  Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" blared on the dance floor. Everybody did the bananas cheer and the foot stomp. I felt like I was in high school again.

By the way, I just couldn't bring myself to let a "Star Wars" character take over my column.  I'll let Holly Golightly from "Breakfast at Tiffany's," Mallory Knox from "Natural Born Killers" or even Cruella Deville from "101 Dalmatians" in, but not that bitch Padme.  It's a woman thing.