In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something better to do than go to Target for the fourth time this week.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

Anyone who has had a car towed knows it's a total bitch (for lack of a better way to describe it). Not only is your transportation - however illegally parked it might have been - swiped unexpectedly with zero regard for your situation or schedule, but then you actually have to pay the bastards who took it hundreds of dollars to get the car back. It's a sham.

But it's also a fact of life. And, however begrudgingly I may admit it, there are situations when a car should be towed. While we don't know the exact specifics that led to the towing of a certain Jeep Cherokee Saturday, we do know that its driver allegedly went to great (read: terribly moronic) lengths to get it back.

According to reports on The News Tribune's "Lights & Sirens" blog, a man who'd had his Jeep Cherokee towed Saturday, Oct. 22 showed up at the Fife towing company where the vehicle was being held later that day only to learn retrieving it successfully would be harder than he imagined. The Trib reports the man left "empty handed" after learning he'd be required to pay money and produce identification to get the car back.

But the man was not deterred.

Police say the Cherokee's owner waited until the towing company closed for the day to make one last fateful attempt to reclaim possession of his ride. According to reports, the man allegedly snuck into a gated area where the car was held at about 6 p.m. and got behind the wheel - intent on driving it home.

The only problem: an employee noticed and shut the gate on the man and his Cherokee.

While most would have given up at this point, our alleged idiot wasn't going down without a fight. The Trib reports that instead of resigning himself to the idea of riding the bus, the suspect rammed the gates with his car and broke free - striking a parked car with a man inside it as he exited.

With police already dispatched, it was only a matter of moments before two squad cars identified the Cherokee and attempted to pull the man over. Think he gave up without incident? (Has this column taught you nothing?)

Witnesses say the man attempted to elude the two patrol cars, but ended up hitting one head-on - sending both officers inside the car to the hospital with injuries. The Cherokee also lost its back tire while veering off the roadway, but the alleged ne'er-do-well kept right on going on the rim.

Thankfully, by this time more officers had responded to the scene. While the chase continued along Pacific Highway momentarily, eventually authorities were able to spin the man out and take him into custody. The Trib reports he was booked into Pierce County Jail on suspicion of vehicular assault, burglary, theft, resisting arrest, malicious mischief and felony pursuit. - Cal Owlings, Car Chase Crime Correspondent