In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to do other than carbo-load for the Super Bowl.

It's not the most important job, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, along with placing prop bets on Bobble Tiki's Super Sunday boxed wine consumption (the over/under is at six coffee mugs full), it's our life's work

This week's Ragnet takes us to Bonney Lake, where tempers have been known to flare.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

There are plenty of things in life worth fighting over. The last piece of pizza comes to mind, or the last lukewarm PBR at the hipster party. While we never endorse violence or unnecessary confrontation here at the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, it would be foolish not to realize there are things out there worthy of altercation.

In our humble estimation a samurai sword is not one of those things.

Lucky for the content of this column, however, there's a pair of dudes in Bonney Lake (or at least a headline writer at the News Tribune) who disagree with the sentiment.

Check that: a pair of "seriously injured" dudes in Bonney Lake. ...

According to published reports in the News Tribune's "Lights & Sirens" blog, at 1:20 p.m. Monday afternoon police were called to a home in the 9600 block of 208th Avenue East in Bonney Lake. Even though the event happened just as the television show Judge Alex was getting juicy, authorities soon arrived to find a scene far more compelling than an fake afternoon courtroom drama; a scene described in reports as, "a man sitting outside his house covered in blood."

You don't see that everyday.

As police went to work at the scene, trying to determine what exactly had led to the man covered in blood, they quickly found there was more to the story - specifically, another man involved in whatever had transpired who was locked inside the house and refusing to come out.

Eventually, however, common sense prevailed ... or it may have been the wounds both men sustained. After plenty of hemming and hawing, the barricaded man emerged - as did the full story.

According to reports, police determined the men were involved in what was classified as a "property dispute." Although the story doesn't specifically say so, the News Tribune headline implies the dispute was over a prized possession:

"Two men fight over Samurai sword in Bonney Lake"

See. Ouch.

But, not only were they possibly fighting OVER a samurai sword, they were apparently also fighting WITH a samurai sword, as both men were covered in serious cuts when police arrived. The News Tribune description says the homeowner eventually trudged over to a neighbor's house and asked for the police to be called, saying he'd been attacked.

After their interviews with police, both men were taken to area hospitals with what were described as "non life threatening" injuries. Hopefully doctors were able to cure the stupid in both of them while they were there.

No word yet on who gets to keep the sword. - Akamatsu "Hank" Mitsusuke, Bonney Lake Samurai Crime Correspondent