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Fantasies rarely realized

An irreverent weekly look at the wild world of sports

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It's come down to this. After 13 weeks of almost wholly trivial, borderline sad, make-believe competition, most fantasy football leagues are either starting their playoffs this week or in the final week of regular season competition.

This means the fantasies of grown men (and women) everywhere, fantasies they've devoted precious time and energy to since mid-August, are crashing down all around us. Dreams shattered. Hopes crushed. Chances at fictional greatness extinguished.

When you see the man with the blank stare in his eyes next Sunday, buying bean dip at the AM/PM but seeming a million miles away, know fantasy football is at the root. Pity this man - but don't mock him. Fantasies of the football variety can become lonely in a hurry.

Yes, while the highs of fantasy football are undeniable - bragging rights, small sums of money, sanctioned ostracization from the family every Sunday for almost four months - the lows are just as extreme. Fantasy football is a fickle beast, and its dagger cuts both ways. Matt Forte owners no doubt feel me on this.

So, are you in the playoffs? Did your team burnout seven weeks ago? Are you playing for a shot this weekend?

It's an exciting time of year ... or not, depending on how your team(s) fared.

At least we can take stock of what we learned ...

Lockouts are not good for fantasy football. Unless your name is Tyler Palko or TJ Yates, injuries are not something to be thankful for. Injury epidemics aren't just bad for ACTUAL NFL games; they wreak havoc on the fake ones too. Of course, the injuries that brought Palko and Yates into starting lineups aren't directly linked to the lockout, but it's undeniable that hamstring injuries, Achilles injuries and knee blowouts are up this year. And I think it's fair to strongly suspect the lockout played a major part in that. While the injury bug has made things more interesting in most leagues, something tells me folks who invested a high draft pick on Jamaal Charles or who could have used continued contributions from Kenny Britt or Fred Jackson aren't swayed by the "more interesting" argument.

Rushing quarterbacks can be deadly. Michael Vick scraped the tip of the iceberg last year, but Cam Newton's rookie campaign really drove this point home. QBs who have the ability to become rushers near the goal line - and are stout enough to take the pounding - have the potential for monster games and monster seasons. And, to think, anyone who drafted Newton was largely mocked back in August. Funny how putting up two (or three) touchdowns on the ground every week will change perceptions pretty quickly. Also funny that I just used the phrase "stout enough to take the pounding" while attempting to be serious.

Aaron Rodgers is really good. We knew he was good before this season, but 2011 has made it all the more apparent - Rodgers is playing his position at an almost unheard of level right now, and can pretty much single-handedly carry a fantasy football team on his back. It's just a damn shame the Packers are getting smug and it's becoming harder and harder to like the team every week. Looking at you Greg Jennings and your ridiculous post-game interviews. Give me a discount double-check.

There are only, like, six running backs you can count on as studs. Or maybe seven. But the point is it's not many, and if you have one you're lucky. With the NFL more pass-happy than ever, and with the running-back-by-committee approach utilized by almost every team at this point, the number of big time fantasy running backs is greatly reduced from years past. As plenty of folks found out this year, if you don't have at least one of them, you're likely to be fighting an uphill battle all season long. It's situations like these that lead to starting lineups featuring Ben Tate.  

People who play fantasy football are too afraid of doing something that might make them look stupid and/or lead to ridicule from their buddies from high school. Running back Arian Foster slipped in most drafts this year due to concern over a preseason hamstring injury. While concern was warranted, Foster slid far further than he should have in most drafts simply because no one wants to be the guy who effs up and drafts the injured dude. That kind of thing can lead to full seasons of intense ribbing - and no one wants that. This is also the fear that makes most trades in fantasy football impossible; no one is willing to take a chance unless they're assured to be the person who doesn't look dumb in the deal. The sooner folks figure out that fantasy football is a hotly contested, very random crapshoot the more fun we'll all have.

Like it or not, fantasy football still has the power to make a Monday Night Football Crapfest between the woeful San Diego Chargers and Jacksonville Jaguars interesting. Like its distant cousin, sports betting, fantasy football has the rarest of abilities - the ability to transform games with no apparent entertainment value into edge-of-your-seat thrillers. And that's the real beauty of it all. Do people around you necessarily understand why you're mesmerized by garbage time of a long-decided game played in an already-empty stadium while Jon Gruden waxes poetic about Philip Rivers' release? Of course not. But who cares? Every point counts.

Especially when it's playoff time.

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