STRIKE ONE

One of the unforeseen negative impacts of the NFL lockout is a noticeable up-tick in NFL players not knowing what to do with themselves. Usually, NFL'ers have a fairly simple and predictable existence. During the season they play football. During the off-season, they train to play football (taking the occasional break to spray the crowd with champagne, or make it rain.

Now, with the 2011-12 NFL season up in the air, and players not allowed inside their team facilities, they've got way more free time than usual. This is not a good thing. For those on Twitter (or should I say those silly enough to follow NFL players on Twitter) it means a dramatic increase in illiterate garbage clogging your feed. I'm beginning to think the NFL should ban Twitter just so fans aren't constantly reminded that people who can't read or write make more money playing one season of football than they'll make in a lifetime. It's a bit of a buzzkill.

However, I'll take simple, illiterate NFL Tweeters any day over Bengals wide receiver (read: magnet of sad bizarreness) Chad Ochocinco, a spotlight fiend the likes of which the world has rarely seen.

The Associated Press reports Ochocinco, fresh off his celebrity stunt tryout with Major League Soccer's Sporting Kansas City, has agreed to ride a bull this weekend at the LucasOil Invitational bull-riding event in Duluth, Ga. The AP story says Ochocinco will be paid $10,000, and if he stays aboard the wild animal for an entire eight seconds will win a new Ford F-150 and be allowed to rename the beast.

I wish I were joking.

STRIKE TWO

Need yet another reminder sports memorabilia is big business, even after last week's column touched on a Wayne Gretzky rookie card auctioned off for $94,163?

OK, then, take for example the case of former New York Mets clubhouse manager Charlie Samuels, recently indicted in a New York court on charges he criminally possessed nearly $2.3 million worth of game-used Mets memorabilia, which, according to ESPN New York, included 304 hats, 828 bats, 22 batting helmets, 10 equipment bags and even a autographed commemorative jersey from the first game played after the terrorists attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

According the ESPN New York, Samuels was fired from the Mets organization in November 2010 after an internal investigation discovered "improprieties and violations of club polices," putting an unceremonious end to a career with the ball club that began in 1983. The internal investigation was sparked by an investigation by the Queens DA's Office and the NYPD Organized Crime Unit into allegations Samuels was involved in gambling with people tied to organized crime. The investigation quickly expanded to include Samuels's alleged memorabilia theft. Samuels is also charged with embezzling $24,955 from the Mets through inflated expense reports (I've heard things are more expensive in New York) and failing to report or pay taxes on $203,789 he received in tips and dues he received from 2008-09 (who reports tips?).

"This is a case of the equipment manager leading the National League in steals," New York City police commissioner Raymond Kelly says in a prepared statement.

Good one, commish!

STRIKE THREE

Good on hockey agent Todd Reynolds, eh - he had the guts to stand up to New York Rangers hockey player Sean Avery's recent support of same-sex marriage this week.

It takes real balls to be bigoted in public.

Of course, not surprisingly, Reynolds has an explanation for himself that denies hatred or intolerance, eh. The vice president of Ontario-based Uptom Sports Management says his anti-gay marriage stance is simply rooted in his reverence for "the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman."

First, the backstory:

Avery, who the Associated Press describes as a "New York Rangers agitator who is known for making headlines on and off the ice," recently participated in a video for the New Yorkers for Marriage Equality campaign. According to the AP, others who have appeared in such videos include former President Bill Clinton, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and actors Julianne Moore and Sam Waterson. 

In the video Avery says, "I'm Sean Avery and I'm a New Yorker for Marriage Equality. I treat everyone the way I expect to be treated and that applies to marriage. Committed couples should be able to marry the person they love. Join me in supporting marriage equality."

That was enough to set Reynolds off, eh.

He replied via Twitter. ...

"Very sad to read Sean Avery's misguided support of same-gender ‘marriage.' Legal or not, it will always be wrong," Reynolds typed.

He followed up with:

"To clarify. This is not hatred or bigotry towards gays. It is not intolerance in any way shape or form. I believe we are all equal."

And:

"But I believe in the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman. This is my personal viewpoint. I DO not hate anyone."

I'll let you discuss amongst yourselves whether Reynolds's stance constitutes "intolerance in any way shape of form," eh.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

The Dumb Jock of the Week award goes to the LA Lakers, and specifically Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum. Ousted from the NBA playoffs after being embarrassingly swept by the Dallas Mavericks, both players acted out in the series' final game in a true show of what the Lakers are made of. Bynum's attack on Mavericks backup point guard J.J. Barea was especially flagrant, described by ESPN as "a vicious mid-air forearm shiver." Bynum was subsequently suspended for five games next season and fined $25,000 for the way he left the court after his ejection.