STRIKE ONE

Well, now we're really in the throes of it. The draft is over. The lockout has been (at least temporarily) reinstated. And it's about as officially the OFF-SEASON as it can get in the NFL. Usually the league limps us through the down periods with free agency, or mini-camps, or OTAs. But not this year. This year it's cold turkey, unless the billionaires and millionaires can figure it out. Soon there won't even be the NBA playoffs on TNT to distract you.

Luckily, we have stories like this one ... which has "kids are starving in third world countries but I don't give a shit" charm written all over it.

According to the Associated Press, Wayne Gretzky's NHL rookie card brought in a literally disgusting $94,163 during an online sports memorabilia auction Sunday, May 1. SCP Auctions, an auctioneer and private seller of sports memorabilia out of Laguna Niguel California, tells the AP this is the highest amount ever paid for a hockey card. SP Auctions had no comment on what kind of person spends three times the yearly salary of an inner city elementary teacher on a fucking hockey card, nor were they likely asked. In fairness to whoever laid down the chunk of change, however, the Gretzky rookie card is reported to be in flawless mint condition.

Oh, and before you go bitching and moaning about how many starving kids you could de-worm in the developing world for $94,163, keep in mind that according to boasting on its own website, SCP Auctions is the enterprise also responsible for moving Barry Bonds' 756 homerun ball for $752,467, not to mention the bat Babe Ruth used to hit his first homerun at Yankee Stadium for $1.265 million and the T206 Honus Wagner card for $2.8 million.

STRIKE TWO

I remember watching the very first Real World on MTV. At the time, I had no idea I was witnessing the vehicle that would bring down humanity one sad grasp for stardom and attention at a time.

According to the Associated Press, Miami Heat star (well, star not named LeBron or Dwyane) Chris Bosh is suing the mother of his child for being part of the third season of the VH1 reality TV show Basketball Wives. For those who have better things to do than watch sketchy reality television on VH1, Basketball Wives is a show about (shockingly enough) basketball wives, or former wives, or girlfriends, and/or women who've slept with NBA players you may have heard of. Shaunie O'Neal, former wife of Shaquille O'Neal, is an executive producer of the show. Basketball Wives has managed to gain a following in its two seasons on air because, it seems, people are attracted to ridiculous bullshit.

Bosh and his lawyers contend his former wife, Allison Mathis, along with Shed Media, which produces the show, are "trying to unjustly enrich themselves by using Bosh's name and intruding into his private affairs," according to the AP story citing the official lawsuit filed in Los Angeles federal court. Bosh and his lawyers also say the show is commercially exploiting his likeness and trademark and that Mathis's appearances on Basketball Wives aren't protected under First Amendment rights. According to E! Entertainment, the Bosh suit also claims Mathis's appearances on the show have "destroyed' the commercial value of his "life rights."

I, for one, know I wouldn't pay anywhere near as much for Bosh's "life rights" as I would have prior to the third season of Basketball Wives. ...

STRIKE THREE

In the same week that Pittsburgh Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall briefly became the most hated man in America after suggesting, via Twitter, that dancing in the streets, doing cartwheels and handing out the celebratory sparklers might not be the most becoming or appropriate way to deal with the death of Osama bin Laden, let's look at another athlete (albeit an ex-athlete) getting out there and mixing it up via the new and exciting world of social media. In the aftermath of Mendenhall's comments many sports pundits suggested social media should be banned by leagues and teams. The good news is, even if they do that, Jose Canseco would still be allowed to Tweet.

Luckily, the hawks over at Deadspin.com were watching earlier this week when Jose Canseco, via his verified Twitter account, attempted to pitch a reality television show to TruTV.

No, really ...

Tweet one, from @JoseCanseco:

"Can any top executive from true tv please contact me asap about a reality tv show. I have a great idea"

Tweet two:

"Email me at Jc7264@yahoo.com"

Tweet three:

"True tv contact me at jc7264@yahoo.com"

Thank goodness for social media. Seriously. How would we entertain ourselves without it, or know Jose Canseco is desperately trying to pitch reality television shows to TruTV.

More importantly, how else would we now know Jose Canseco's Yahoo email account address?

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

Bravo to Cleveland Indians outfield Shin-Soo Choo, the sixth Major Leaguer arrested this year on DUI charges. Choo was allegedly drunk behind the wheel of his Cadillac SUV earlier this week, blowing a .201 on Monday after running into trouble in Sheffield Lake, Ohio. According to reports in Northern Ohio's The Morning Journal, Choo made contact with police multiple times before eventually being arrested - getting directions from a copper each time. After giving directions the police followed Choo to make sure he got where he was going, but instead Choo did all sorts of dumb stuff behind the wheel like cross a fog line and drive onto a bike path - leading to his eventual arrest. Well played, sir.