STRIKE ONE

The excitement you sense all around you isn't exclusively a result of the Weekly Volcano's Tournament of Pizza. Actually, there's a pretty big college basketball tournament kicking off ... a little something known as March Madness.

Naturally, I jest. Even the deaf, dumb and blind (looking at you, Tommy!) have probably been bombarded with the hype by now. The yearly NCAA men's basketball tournament is off and running, meaning even those who pay absolutely no attention to college basketball the rest of the year have filled out betting pool brackets and are watching the action intensely. Wagering money tends to have that effect. And wagering money on the NCAA men's basketball tournament has become an American right of passage. Just ask Rick Neuheisel.

Oh, and it's not just disgraced college football coaches and us common folks distracting ourselves from mundane life with the NCAA men's basketball tournament; March Madness reaches the highest levels.

For instance, President Barack Obama recently revealed his bracket to ESPN.com senior college basketball writer Andy Katz - the third year in a row Obama has filled out a bracket for ESPN. The "Barack-etology" was featured on SportsCenter and online. If that's not Socialism, I don't know what is.

Sadly, Obama's 2011 bracket has absolutely zero surprises, picking number one seeds Duke, Kansas, Ohio State and Pittsburgh to make the Final Four - with Kansas prevailing over Ohio State in the National Championship game.

"Kansas has more firepower," ESPN quotes Obama as saying.

Not to be outdone, soon thereafter Sarah Palin released her snowmobile championship series bracket.

STRIKE TWO

NBA referees are horrible. Just horrible. Like, David Stern's face horrible. In the world of zebras, perhaps the only officials that are worse are employed by the Pac 10 conference.

Apparently, however, NBA referees (despite being horrible) still have feelings.

According to the Associated Press, NBA referee William Spooner recently filed a federal lawsuit claiming that AP sports writer Jon Krawczynski defamed him on Twitter - he's seeking $75,000 and a court order to remove the Tweet from Krawczynski's page.

What's all the fuss about?

On Jan. 24 Krawczynski was covering a game between the Rockets and Timberwolves. At some point in the second quarter, Spooner apparently called a foul against the Timberwolves, one Timberwolves coach Kurt Rambis objected to.

What happened next? It depends on whom you believe. ...

Krawczynski tweeted from courtside: "Ref Bill Spooner told Rambis he'd ‘get it back' after a bad call. Then he made an even worse call on Rockets. That's NBA officiating folks."

According to Spooner's lawsuit, however, all he told Rambis was he'd review the foul at halftime. Rambis then said that was OK, but asked how he was supposed to get the points back - a question Spooner denies responding to.

In the lawsuit, Spooner claims the Twitter message led to a disciplinary investigation by the NBA and that his professional reputation has been hurt.

You know, because NBA referees have such a sterling reputation (for being horrible!).

STRIKE THREE

When one becomes accustomed to the limelight, it can be devastating when it disappears - even if it's just for the off-season.

Case in point, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, who announced this week he would soon be trying out for the MLS team Sporting Kansas City. If all goes well (and by "well" I mean the team sell a lot of tickets and jerseys) Ochocinco may end up playing for the team for an extended period of time ... or at least until the NFL lockout is over.

The MLS is a soccer league, a sport Ochocinco has reportedly followed and been a fan of since childhood. According to Sporting Kansas City team officials quoted on NFL.com, Ochocinco will be offered a four-day tryout before the club determines whether to extend the trial period.

Unless Ochocinco demands a trade first, of course.

Will Ochocinco be paid for his time playing soccer? I have no knowledge he will be, but it might help ... considering a Cincinnati-area clothing store, Exclusive Wear, claims Ochocinco owes them $11,717. Even more important, Hamilton County Municipal Judge Bernie Bouchard agrees, having recently ruled Ochocinco must pay the outstanding bill.

According to reports, Exclusive Wear claims that on shopping trips in late 2008 and 2009, Ochocinco took items like a $575 Al Wissam bomber coat, a pair of $400 Mauri alligator shoes and $350 Laguna Beach jeans but never paid for any of it. After repeatedly asking politely to be compensated, the store says it was forced into legal action.

Naturally, Ochocinco responded via Twitter, saying, "#random I've been informed I've a 2 year outstanding balance of 11k at an urban clothing store in Cincy. I'll pay it when I return from Mars."

No word yet on when that might be.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

In honor of March Madness, the Dumb Jock of the Week award goes to the utterly intolerable Dick Vitale. According to a story by Jack Dickey of Deadspin.com, PM Sports, which bills itself as a "site for sports-centric comedic videos that blurb the lines between wrong and wrong" posted a cartoon video in February depicting Vitale at an imaginary funeral. It was pretty funny. In the video, Vitale is all annoying and stuff, keeps referring to the dead guy as "baby," and is nearly as grating in cartoon form as in person. It's exactly what you'd expect.

Well, Dickey reports representatives for Vitale didn't find the humor, sending an official letter demanding Vitale's likeness be removed from the site.

What a crybaby, baby!