STRIKE ONE

To the best of anyone's knowledge, the Philadelphia Eagles' Michael Vick hasn't been involved with the killing of a dog in some time. This is good news for the quarterback, of course, and also good news for the NFL - as it damn well knows. Vick currently leads all players in Pro Bowl balloting, and his on-field resurgence has produced ratings spikes for televised Eagles games. Hell, even my wife said Vick was, "fun to watch," the other night.

Let's hand it to the NFL in this case - the ultimate master of rapid public image re-builds. There's absolutely no other forum I can think of where bad guys are turned good so fast and so efficiently. Just like we're to believe Ben Roethlisberger is a new man because the Steelers are winning, he says the right things in interviews and he hasn't raped anyone in months (and, overwhelmingly, we DO believe this - the NFL feeds it to us and we buy it), we're also to believe Vick is completely fixed after a recent history that includes the kind of brutality and criminal behavior that typically marks people forever, whether they straighten out their lives or not. A year and a half out of federal prison, Vick has been deemed fit to lead our children as a role model and hero once again. Surely, you'd have the same response at your job were you to return after being convicted of funding a massive and brutal dog-fighting ring. ...

Vick, who was banned by his sentencing judge from ever owning a dog again, said this week in an interview with NBC News and the website thegrio.com that his family misses dog ownership, and would like to one day own a dog as a pet.

(The "pet" part is code for I won't slam it into a tree if it doesn't perform.)

STRIKE TWO

Local television and media affiliates in the Denver area screwed the pooch big time Tuesday night by jumping on a story that had Carmelo Anthony traded to the New Jersey Nets.

After scoring 35 points in a home win over the Magic, Anthony's locker was surrounded by Denver-area scribes all rapidly buzzing from an earlier breaking news update by ABC 7 News out of Denver that a deal with the Nets had been reached. Sadly, as is often the case in this age of instant information and very little fact-checking, the reports were false, though it did make for some interesting sound bites from Melo after the game - as this was obviously the first he'd heard of the story.

"Who? I haven't heard that one. Am I? I don't know, dawg. This is new," Anthony was quoted as saying.

Of course, it's worth noting that by the time you read this story Melo probably WILL have been traded (maybe even to the Nets), but that doesn't mean Tuesday night's media shenanigan isn't still embarrassing.

STRIKE THREE

Fuck the Yankees. That's right! Cliff Lee may have solidified himself as one of the coolest dudes ever this week by agreeing to a five-year, $120 million contract with the Philadelphia Phillies, thus reuniting him with the National League powerhouse squad he was traded to the Mariners from almost exactly a year ago. An all around decent dude, Lee reportedly stuck it to the Yankees hardcore by signing with the Phillies - whose $120 million, five-year offer was far less than what the Bronx Bombers had on the table.

Lee joins a pitching rotation that also includes Roy Halladay and Roy Oswalt, which is just freakin' scary.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

Hats off to newly indefinitely suspended New York Jets strength and conditioning coach Sal "My life is ruined and all I did was trip someone -  Mike Vick killed dogs!" Alosi.  The sad-sack in green was caught on tape last Sunday intentionally tripping Miami Dolphins cornerback Nolan Carroll during a punt return. Initially Alosi was suspended by the Jets for the remainder of the team's regular season, but general manager Mike Tannenbaum announced Wednesday that the suspension had become indefinite because new information had come to light - information that made apparent Alosi was actually COACHING little-used Jets players to form a prohibitive wall along the sidelines during punt returns. Somewhere, Woody Hayes is proud. ...

LOCAL BLACKOUT

My god the Seahawks are bad. Did you see that game last week? Of course you did. ... Despite all of this, the team still has a fairly realistic path to the playoffs - one that likely culminates with a winner-takes-the-pitiful-NFC-West showdown with the St. Louis Rams at Qwest field on the last Sunday of the season. If the Hawks win, they'll probably win the division - even with a record of 7-9. ...

Which, as we all know, will signal the apocalypse.