STRIKE ONE

You know, Vince Young might not be cut out for this NFL business. Already on the short list of all-time emo quarterbacks, Young may have forever cemented his place among the emo elite last weekend after allegedly tossing his shoulder pads into the stands after the Titans were defeated at home by the Redskins. Young hurt the thumb on his throwing hand (coincidentally, also the thumb he prefers to suck) during the game and did not return. Apparently upset, Young seems to have chucked his pads while storming off the field, and proceeded to get into a brief but volatile confrontation with Titans coach Jeff Fisher in the locker room before exiting in street clothes without showering. During his post-game press conference Fisher was obviously disgusted, and immediately announced Young had lost his starting job. All of this would be terribly, TERRIBLY funny if it wasn't  the self-destruction of a human being before our very eyes. Hell, maybe it's STILL kind of funny. But what we do know is ESPN analyst Merril Hoge seems to be taking more delight in the implosion than anyone, almost beaming when he said in a recent radio interview, "He's a baby. He's a soft baby," "College recruiters refused to recruit Vince Young because he was a crybaby," and "Vince lives three miles from the stadium and has a limo pick him up and take him to every game and every practice."

STRIKE TWO

Karma is a bitch, or at least something that makes drawing your massive-ass paycheck a little less fun, as is currently the case of the Dream Team-loaded Miami Heat. Perhaps you heard the Heat signed LeBron James over the offseason? There was that special on TV? ... Then they also signed Chris Bosh, and resigned Dwyane Wade? Remember, they went ahead and got sized for NBA Championship rings in early October? Anyway, the Heat are now loaded like Dennis Erickson at Thanksgiving dinner (or pretty much any night of the week), so the team's pedestrian 8-6 start (as of press time) is both surprising and highly enjoyable to basketball fans pretty much anywhere outside of South Beach. And it's especially enjoyable for fans in Cleveland, spurned by James, insulted by the TV special, and, well, kind of prone to fits of frustrated hatred because they're from Cleveland. ... Of course, in the Heat's defense, it's worth noting that 80 percent of NBA teams make the playoffs, which won't be over until June. And they live in Miami - which has to be nice.

STRIKE THREE

Sorry. While doing research on all-time emo quarterbacks for the Strike One, something came to my attention that I simply couldn't let pass. Maybe I'm late to the Ed Hardy coat check, but did you realize multi-chinned Bears quarterback Jay Cutler (the droopiest of all the divas) is dating Kristin Cavallari, star of MTV's The Hills? Apparently it's true, and, if I'm not mistaken, makes for a couples rating on the douche-o-meter that hasn't been seen since Jon Kitna exchanged inappropriate text messages with a recurring extra on Jersey Shore.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

Nebraska football coach Bo Pelini easily takes home the award this week for his unfortunate tirade on the sidelines last Saturday, which, by the way, happened as Pelini's No. 15-ranked team was in the process of losing to Texas A&M by a score of 9-6. Pelini earned a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for berating the officials with obscenities, and also was captured by cameras on the sideline excessively chewing out redshirt-freshman quarterback Taylor Martinez - in a totally spooky, Bob Knight, verge of sanity kind of way. University of Nebraska chancellor Harvey Perlman said Pelini had embarrassed the program and the state. On a related note, Nebraska's state beverage is milk, which is also kind of embarrassing if you think about it.

LOCAL BLACKOUT

Mariners ace pitcher Felix Hernandez took home the American League Cy Young award last week - and he earned it. Despite the utter futility that surrounded him all year, Hernandez led the league in ERA and innings pitched, and was second in strikeouts. With the new hardware on his mantle, it'll make Hernandez's eventual departure from Seattle to somewhere with more than bobble-head nights going for it all the more painful.