STRIKE ONE

So, the San Francisco Giants won their first World Series title since 1952. Just because no one bothered to watch (ratings for the 2010 World Series tied for the lowest ever) doesn't mean it's not exciting. For one thing, Timmy Lincecum's dominating performance in Series-clinching Game 5 feeds fuel to the marijuana legalization movement; if Cy Young Spicoli can pitch like that with levels of THC in his body the likes of which haven't been seen since Snoop Dogg last kicked it with Willie Nelson, anything seems possible.

Secondly, the victory gave the San Francisco populace, perceived by most Red parts of this country as weak, elitist, leftist, tree-hugging, pinko communists, a chance to flex its muscles. Like any good city after a big World Series win, San Francisco erupted into celebratory rioting, with cars being rolled, innocent victims assaulted, fires set, mattresses burned, property destroyed and general order and decency accosted.

Way to man-up, San Fran! Who says you're soft? It's not a major sports championship without an embarrassing riot!

STRIKE TWO

Redskins coach Mike Shanahan has a knack for falling out of love with quarterbacks, and it seems he's at it again - this time losing that loving feeling for new Redskins' quarterback Donavan McNabb, who when acquired in the offseason Shanahan called a "franchise quarterback."

Apparently, Shanahan's assessment may have changed. The über-tan coach yanked McNabb from last Sunday's game against the Detroit Lions. Though the Redskins trailed by less than a touchdown with just under two minutes to go when McNabb was benched in favor of Rex Grossman (Rex fucking Grossman!), Shanahan explained the move after the game by saying McNabb was not yet completely comfortable running the team's two-minute offense.

On Monday, with time to reflect and perhaps realize that saying McNabb had yet to master the offense seven months after becoming a Redskin was a bit of an indictment on the QB's intelligence, Shanahan had a new story.

So, why was McNabb benched?

Shanahan now says it was because the Pro Bowl quarterback lacked the "cardiovascular endurance" it takes to run the two-minute drill.

For those playing at home, that's an upgrade for McNabb from stupid to merely fat and out of shape.

STRIKE THREE

Randy Moss is out of another job, having been waived by the Vikings earlier this week.

As usual, stories of the antics in Minnesota that got Moss cut are beginning to emerge, with most centering on a catered lunch Vikings players were served after practice last Friday. According to reports, the meal, provided by Gus Tinucci of Tinucci's Restaurant, didn't quite meet Moss' expectations.

According to Chip Scoggins and Judd Zulgad (real names!) of the Minnesota Star Tribune, Moss' verbal assault went something like this:

"‘I wouldn't feed this [expletive] to my [expletive] dog.'"

Of course, in fairness to Moss, that statement doesn't exactly pack the same punch as when Michael Vick says it.

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

It was announced this week former Mariner Jose Guillen is being investigated for the alleged purchase of HGH, also known as Human Growth Hormone or McGwire-aide. After playing with the San Francisco Giants this season, Guillen was left off the team's post-season roster in large part due to these latest allegations.

The good news is, apparently (after being involved in and busted for similar performance-enhancing drug activity earlier in his career) Guillen has smartened up. This time he allegedly had the drugs shipped straight to his wife's house in the Bay Area.

The only problem is federal Drug Enforcement Agency officers also know where Guillen's wife lives. Doh!

LOCAL BLACKOUT

Washington Huskies head football coach Steve Sarkisian announced Monday that one-time Heisman hopeful quarterback Jake Locker will miss Saturday's game against number one-ranked Oregon at Autzen Stadium in Eugene due to a cracked rib. Because coach's never lie, we'll assume the decision has nothing to do with saving face, and is wholly based on Locker's bum rib - not the fact the Husky's will get bum-rushed 70-13 by the Ducks whether Locker plays or not.