STRIKE ONE

First, an admission: This week's column will be entirely dedicated to football. This Super Bowl is in the air ... I lost $20 in one of those stupid betting boards last weekend. There's just no denying it. Football is America's Game, and Cup Check is going to indulge in it. Pass the Doritos.

Hats (not ties) off to FORMER Chicago-area car salesman John Stone, who the Associate Press reported this week was fired for refusing to take off a Green Bay Packers tie he wore to work the day after the Packers beat the Chicago Bears in the NFC Championship Game. Stone told the AP he'd worn the tie as a gesture to his late grandmother, who was reportedly a big Packers fan.

Good one. Maybe Stone's beloved grandma really was a huge Packers fan. Hell, she probably was. It really doesn't matter.

(NOTE: Somewhere, in heaven, I'm sure Stone's grandma is grinning ear to ear and having fantasies involving cheese and Aaron Rodgers with the rest of Packers Nation now that they're headed to the Super Bowl.)

What matters is Stone lost his job over the tie, fired by his boss, Jerry Roberts. For his part, Roberts - who'll play the part of the sympathetic car lot big wig (not an asshole who fired someone for a tie) - told the AP the dealership had done promotions with the Bears in the past, and he feared the tie "could alienate the team's fans and make it harder to sell cars."

Roberts also noted Stone was given five chances to take off the tie before being axed.

STRIKE TWO

Oh, Jay Cutler. You had to go and do it, didn't you? You sad, sad little bitch ... always taking the fun out of life.

You see, as you've heard, Cutler somewhat mysteriously left last Sunday's NFC Championship Game - standing pouty-faced and emotionless on the sidelines for nearly the entire second half while all of America speculated about why. He'd hurt his knee, as the TV audience was given slight indications of, but his official status remained "questionable," and the look of uninterested disgust on his face (which, in fairness, is how he always looks) spoke louder than anything. Did he even WANT to be playing? It sure didn't look like it.

But was this all Cutler's magic plan to somehow foil hacks like me? I literally salivate when brainstorming new insults and barbs to throw at Jay Cutler - he's attitude is detestable, and I love nothing more than to see him fail. Literally. I'm almost as excited about the birth of my second child as I was to see so many "pout shots" of Cutler on TV last week.

Others obviously share the sentiment - many of them fellow or former NFL players. The situation opened up a never-before-seen torrent of Twitter hatred and bashing on Cutler from folks like Maurice Jones-Drew, Asante Samuel, Darnell Dockett, Deion Sanders and others.

The trouble is, Cutler seems to have ACTUALLY hurt his knee. A few days after the bizarre and rapid string of events, the sentiment seems to be turning in favor of Cutler ... he's taking on the victim roll. Even Charles Barkley said the bashing Cutler took was unfair.

Damn you, Baby Jay!

If you took one of the few satisfying things there are in my life - making fun of you - and shit all over it like your knee shit all over your chances of ever winning over the Chicago fan base, well, that's some pretty potent irony.

You sucked so bad I may have to stop making fun of you.

Point for Jay Cutler.

STRIKE THREE

In an apparent competition to see who could do something more pointless, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Bengals wide-receiver Chad Ochocinco faced off this week.

Ochocinco hinted toward the end of a interview with ESPN Tuesday that he may be planning the one thing that could possibly be more horribly anti-climatic than his first name change. That's right, folks, he's probably going back to Chad Johnson. Hope you were sitting down for that. According to an AP report, he failed to give a reason other than he's "done with the Ocho thing."

If there were anyone left wearing his jersey, this would be a big deal.

Goodell, on the other hand, preparing for the possibility of a work stoppage if the NFL Players Associations and team owners can't agree on a new collective bargaining agreement, announced he'll be dropping his salary to $1 should a new agreement not be reached by the March deadline.

In response, Players Union Chief DeMaurice Smith Tweeted, "NFL executives reducing salaries in the event of a lockout? If we have a deal by Super Bowl, I'll go down to 68 cents."

DUMB JOCK OF THE WEEK

As I've made clear, I have very little sympathy for Jay Cutler. He's brought this torrent of (slightly unjust) hatred upon himself by acting like a spoiled punk his entire NFL career. He carries himself like a massive prick, and it's not surprising that people - and even his NFL peers - want to take every chance available to stick it to him. That's what happens when you act like an asshole.

But, this week's Dumb Jock award goes to Maurice Jones Drew, one of the many NFL players who called Cutler out via Twitter.

Or did he? Jones-Drew this week told the AP his Tweets had been "taken out of context."

Really? Digest that for a moment. His Tweets ... taken out of context.

Jones-Drew told the AP he was ACTUALLY trying to take "a shot at Florida fans."

As you recall, Jones-Drew Tweeted during the game:

"Hey I think the urban meyer rule is effect right now... When the going gets tough.........QUIT."

And, also:

"All I'm saying is that he can finishing the game on a hurt knee... I played the whole season on one..."

His Tweets. Out of context. ...