A penny saved is worth two in the bush. And your burning bridges have been gathering moss lately, anyway. The time has come to rework your literary life (or maybe, to create a literary life). Too long have you lingered in the annals of John Grisham; the Classic Book Club may be just what you need. You will save your pennies (because the book club's novels are long; therefore you will take longer to read them, and therefore, go book shopping less - such logic, eh?) and keep moss from burning, ahem, your brain. And you'll become hopelessly intellectual and never make lame, extended jokes involving metaphors, ever. This Wednesday the group is ripping apart H. Rider Haggard's She.

PREDICTION: Oprah reads this blurb, gets confused and buys them all cars.

[King's Books, Wednesday, April 11, 7 p.m., 218 St. Helens Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.8801]