Being as how Seafarer is within walking distance of Cheney Stadium and open to minors until 9 p.m., I simply had to break Krista the Weekly Volcano’s intern in right — so I took her with me to do a Bar Exam at Seafarer’s Sports Bar & Grill. The part of Seafarer’s being within Cheney Stadium walking distance came into play when I dropped her off there and made her walk as part of her initiation. That little bugger can walk fast, too. I was only into my second beer when she finally arrived by my side.

I tried to frame her by telling her it was OK to do a shot, and that no one would care, but the girl wouldn’t budge. Don’t anybody go underestimating the education our youth is getting these days; she was well aware of her rights, and of the word “harassment.” Yeah, she used that one quite often that day.

Matt Steele, Seafarer’s new “manager,” graciously filled us in on his plans for change within the walls of Tacoma’s seven-inch-hamburger patty-having-haven. I was relieved to learn that the big change is that there’s going to be no change, at least in the “dive” décor. Steele is definitely planning on bringing in local bands and keeping up with Seafarer’s traditional poker nights and crab feeds.

Chipped blue paint covered the walls underneath abundant amounts of boating and fishing memorabilia, beer signs, poker certificates, and plastic crab replicas. Grease immediately lined my nostrils and permeated my clothes as burgers were grilled up in the back kitchen, leaving me aching for some Clearasil.

I was ultimately convinced that this place was indeed a dive, going to be an upcoming party place, and that Krista the Weekly Volcano intern was put here on this earth to be my designated driver.

Seafarer’s Sports Bar & Grill

3878 S. Center St., Tacoma, 253.572 8481

Beer: Yellow and domestic
Service: Matt was an angel
Food: HUGE hamburgers and crab feeds

Bar Exam Dive Grade: A