It’s amazing what people will do to heal themselves these days.

As the American medical establishment crumbles around us — dying from its own greed, government neglect, a corrupt insurance system, and the disgusting excesses of the pharmaceutical industry — so-called alternative treatments, medications and nutritional supplements are filling the void.



Surveys conducted in the late 1990s suggested that people living in the United States spent between $36 billion and $47 billion on so-called alternative medical treatments. According to a new study from researchers Packaged Facts, the market for vitamins, minerals, homeopathics and herbal remedies will jump 39 percent between 2008 and 2012 to reach $8.5 billion.



And while I’m not a fanatic about the so-called Western medical establishment, some of this crap is getting downright dumb. At best, much of it is a waste of time, energy and money.



Now I’m no scientific materialist, whatever that means. It is often easy to dismiss so-called alternative medicine, but there is ample evidence that a lot of it works.

So rather than take you on a tour of the unequivocal bulls*&t that haunts alternative medicine, I thought I’d offer a few tips and warning signs that you can use to make up your own mind.



Here we go:

Like pharmaceutical representatives, people peddling alternative healing therapies and products are salespeople. I mean, let’s face it — a lot of this, dare I say most, is about making money. Beware of classic, diversionary sales tactics that exploit fear, hope, vanity and most of all, ignorance.



Appeals to vanity include urges to “be an individual” and to “take charge of your own health” while simultaneously condemning established medical practice. This tactic is used widely by salespeople of all walks — “Be a rebel, buy a Toyota!” Many people are convinced they are thinking for themselves during this process. Unless they’re making an informed decision, they’ve done little more than trade one form of medical dogma for another.



Especially greasy are those who prey on people’s hopes — hopes for love, youth, hope for a cure, and hope for freedom from imperfection are the big four. Back in the day, any and all of these hopes could be achieved by drinking Uncle Wally’s Magic Moonjuice. Nowadays, it’s vitamins, crystals, aromatherapy, Axe Body spray and Hoodia.



Beware of anyone who claims they can cure your headaches, halt the aging process, clean out your colon and get you laid, all with one treatment or pill. Beware especially when these claims come from someone who knows nothing about your medical history or the particularities of your body.



Another warning sign is the practitioner or salesperson whose sales pitch involves vagary and meaningless terminology.



Beware anyone who gives you a list of common ailments such as headache, dehydration, thinning hair, obesity, and hatred of Nicholas Cage movies, and then tells you that “any one of these is a sign that you need my service/product.”

Also beware of people who use unspecific terms to describe what their treatment or product does. Unless someone can explain what they mean by “realign your Chi” or “cleanse your system” or “help your body heal itself,” how they do it, by what mechanism, and where you can find sound, independent, verifiable research about it, best just skip it. Using vague, immeasurable terms such as “energy alignment” makes it hard to ask questions or formulate your own opinion.

Oh, and the fact that the Mayans or the Chinese have used some product for centuries is not an endorsement — it’s a diversion, intended to replace verifiable results with the wisdom of the ages.



Both may hold some value and significance, but there’s just no substitute for figuring it out on your own.