We took the Thorne Lane exit into Tillicum and after a mile stretch on Union Avenue we had passed about 12 barber shops before reaching Galloping Gertie’s. Twelve barber shops within one mile? Are you kidding me? I know Tillicum is primarily an off-base military town filled with young crew-cut men, but TWELVE barber shops? I was thinking 12 dive bars would be more appropriate for a street just off a major military base, don’t you?

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating on the amount of barber shops, but there were at least eight of them.

More important than any haircut, The KAke and I were jonesin’ for a liquid lunch, so into Galloping Gertie’s side door lounge we went. Right away Arlette greeted us like we were old friends, and old friends is what we quickly became. As we bellied up to the bar, we noticed why Arlette the bar manager was so hospitable — a handwritten sign below the TV read, “Be nice or go away.” Now that’s a motto The KAke and I can respect. 

Arlette hooked me up with an ass-kicking spicy Bloody Mary (just the way I like it), and conversation amongst us and Gertie’s bar regulars turned toward the band Journey. He sounds just like Steve Perry! And they found him on You Tube! Whodathunk?

Bad carpeting, four different kinds of mis-matched seating, and neon pulltabs made Gertie’s a “dive bar,” but Arlette made it “home” for most Tillicum residents. She apologized for the mess (there was none), as she hung up Halloween decorations. Hell, I haven’t even hung up my decorations yet. And I guarantee my house is more of a mess than Gertie’s.

Thank you, Arlette, for showing us such warm hospitality. It’s rare we find a dive bar so inviting. Even if we did have to pass 12 barbers, five teriyaki joints, and seven check cashing stores all within one mile. Ah, Tillicum, we love ya.

Galloping Gertie's Bar and Grill

15417 Union Ave. S.W., Tillicum, 253.588.7131

Beer: four major domestics on tap, and a Mirror Pond

Service: Very nice

Food: Order the “Hog Wings” — hot wings that are made from pork ribs

Bonus Points: Happy hour starts at 6:30 a.m.

Bar Exam Dive Grade: A