THE T-SHIRTS

Las Vegas style party

Self-conscious disclaimer: I am a horndog. That, of course, puts me in league with every other Y-chromosome-carrying primate in the world. But being a horndog doesn’t mean I’m a chauvinist. I don’t consider men inherently superior intellectually or more capable physically, despite our God-given ability to urinate standing up. In fact, women are better than men at many things — and one of them is modeling wet T-shirts. The Vault nightclub celebrates its three-year anniversary with a wet T-shirt contest, all drinks $3 and a chance to win a trip to Vegas. Are wet T-shirt contests stupid? Absolutely. But how often is that an issue for the average horndog? — Brad Allen
[The Vault, Thursday, Aug. 23, 9 p.m., no cover for chicks, 425 Franklin St. S.E., Olympia, 360.357.4721]

THE FILM

Magical chocolate factory

You ate too much barbecue this summer, didn’t you? Hamburgers, ribs, corn on the cob — and that Jell-O salad with the little marshmallows. Now look at you, sitting on the couch with your pants unbuttoned, swatting helplessly at the bottle of Tums on the table.
“What do you get when you guzzle down sweets, eating as much as an elephant eats? What are you at, getting terribly fat? What do you think will come — of — that? I don’t like the look of it. Oompa loompa doompety da.“

The Weekly Volcano has a good suggestion for you. Wake up Grandpa Joe, grab yourself an Everlasting Gobstopper, and burp your way over to the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium for an outdoor screening of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” That’s right, kiddies. Catch Johnny Depp in his creepy but lovable Mr. Wonka as he leads the four bratty children (and the sweet, innocent Charlie Bucket) on a wild ride through his deliciously magical chocolate factory. — Suzy Stump
[Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Friday, Aug. 24, 7 p.m., free, 5400 N. Pearl St., Tacoma, Tacoma, 253. 404. 3657]

THE MUSIC

Zimfest

In a perpetual state of disaster as a result of ongoing famine, drought and political corruption, Zimbabwe has still managed to export some of the world’s most infectiously joyful music: complex sounds characterized by soaring melodies, intricate vocal harmonies and the kind of polyrhythmic percussion that can induce a collective trance. Zimbabwean Music Festival will feature 50 or so bands from around the world performing music from Zimbabwe, plus a marketplace, workshops, films and much more this weekend. — Michael Swan
[South Puget Sound Community College, Aug. 24-26, $12-$35, 2011 Mottman Road S.W., Olympia, zimfest. org/ 2007]

THE WHAMMY

Air guitar

Red (neck), White (trash) & Blue (collar) Kegger at Cans will be a mutant hybrid of “Heavy Metal Parking Lot” and “This Is Spinal Tap” as the finale of the night will be an air guitar contest at midnight. Some contestants will rely on shtick of songs or their outfits. Others will sport props in hopes of wowing the judges and the crowd. The winner will be the one who embodies the complete package: image, presentation and technical ability. Many will spend the night at Cans for the kegs of beer alone. Either way, woo-hoo! — SS
[Cans, Saturday, Saturday, Aug. 25, 9 p.m., 100 S. Ninth St., Tacoma, 253. 272. 0777]

THE WHEELS

Roller derby

I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a summer Sunday than on a hot date with myself listening to loud rock and roll and watching tough-as-nails roller derby chicks knocking each other on their asses. Yes, my Sunday will be spent with the Dockyard Derby Dames characters like Janesaw Massacre, Nancy Hardagain, Sybil War, Anita Hit Sum Won, Lola Pistola and Moana Lisai crammed at the front of the flat track jumping around, screaming my lungs out, picking fights and hocking loogies. Being up close and personal blows away watching the action on television. Hell, with a beer garden, girls in fishnets at halftime, a rock band, this is entertainment at it’s fullest. After the bout everyone will head to Doyle’s Public House in Tacoma. — Brad Allen
[Skate n Station, Sunday, Aug. 26, 7 p.m., $10, 301 133rd St. S., Spanaway, www.myspace.com/dockyardderbydames]