It’s quite a shame that our nightlife fun always has to end at 2 a.m. Stupid rules. That’s why I firmly believe in always having a refrigerator with at least a case of beer.



Girls like me are constantly prepared, like a quick draw in a Western standoff, because you just never know when the opportunity might arise to host an after-hours party.



With that, my little humming birds, the scene of the crime this week is at no other place than, well, my house.



There are quite a few ingredients in throwing the perfect after-hours dance party. Here are my secrets.



You must recruit the proper party animals. Those from the restaurant industry are perfect, and they often need reprieve after dealing with the idiot public for hours on end. Individuals who have been partying with you all night should have the ability to maintain. The last thing you want to do is clean up puke in your own home.



Speaking of cleanliness, make sure your house is tidy. I personally subscribe to the 15-minute mess rule. Here’s how that works: I never make a mess so big that it can’t be cleaned up in 15 minutes. Now that this June Cleaver lesson is over, let’s get back to the dirty details.



You should generally have a mix of alcohol available — beer, red and white wine, and a couple of varieties of hard alcohol and mixers. Your guests’ personal tastes often will vary widely. Graciously accept when one of your guests brings her own pumpkin beer as a contribution. Yum.



Never, ever leave your iPod at your office. I’ve missed some of the most perfect after-hours opportunities as a result. Sure, I have tons of CDs, but there’s nothing like my funny playlists and watching a bunch of audiofile DJs who hate Top 40 shakin’ that ass to Missy Elliot’s “Work It.”



It’s good to have snacks, too, but I love eating out so much that my cupboards are pretty barren. Leftover Christmas candy to the rescue!



Note to self: Remember to tell your guests that the upstairs rooms are perfect for herbal jazz cigarette sessions, rather than the front porch.



If you happen to have spare bedrooms and other places to sleep, be sure to offer those to your closest guests. Safety first, my peeps.



Toward the end of the morning, if you’re starting to get tired and you want everyone to leave, just tell them that your parents are coming home soon.

Lastly, don’t be surprised if a gay man known as your sugarplum winds up in your bed — it’s an after-hours party, and as such, anything goes!



If you’re good to me, dear readers, you just might get an invite to the next one.



T-hee-hee.



Tell me where you like to party here.