Recent Trouble with DeRosa victim Daniel Furrer from Archibald Sisters in Olympia had given me a heads-up about the spiciness of Chopsticks Noodle House’s dishes. Thrilled, off I went.

 

There were three items on the menu with a picture of a cute little red chili next to the names. This was an indicator to me that the dishes were either going to burn my mouth or they were trying to subliminally convince me to dine at Chili’s Restaurants. Both were fine with me. I always did like the food at Chili’s anyway.

 

I ordered the Spicy Thai Noodles ($8.49), which came out in a humungous bowl filled with steamy broth and laced with a red pepper lining that was visible even to Stevie Wonder. I stirred around the Thai-influenced concoction and spotted five shrimp, four pieces of calamari, fresh cabbage, thick slippery noodles, and a lime all floating within the HOTEST FUCKING BROTH I’ve ever consumed in my entire life.

 

Somebody must’ve opened up a Costco-sized jar of cayenne, fed the entire thing to a test lab rat, mated the rat with a habanero pepper, taken their mutant pepper baby, lit it on fire, and THEN put it into my Spicy Thai Noodles. I’m just thankful I had plenty of Kleenex on hand for the mucus dripping out of my nose and the tears rolling out of my eyes. And for the free glass of ice water they provided me. I would’ve paid a ton of money for that water, that’s for sure.

 

[Chopsticks Noodle House, 119 Fifth Ave., S.W., Olympia, 360.596.9332]