I usually kick myself when I wait until the last minute to visit a bar for Bar Exam, but I’m glad I did so this week. My tardiness paid off this time by hitting Lakewood’s premier Irish bar, Maggie O’Tooles, on the day after St. Patrick’s Day. Why? Imagine how you’d feel as an opening bartender having to clean up and re-set the bar after a night of unadulterated Irish-inspired drunkenness. Needless to say, the bartender that day was pissed off — more so than a fingerless dude with recently contracted scabies. He was irritated, angry, and extremely unhappy.

 

“Imagine Guinness, green dye, and puke all mixed together and all over the place,” was the scenario he gave us when we asked what it was like walking into work that morning. “Was it really all over?” I asked. “YES,” he confirmed, “Two G.I.’s even puked all over the bar top.” GROSS. We closed our menus, opted not to eat lunch, and I immediately scanned the bar top wondering if it was at my seat where the crime was committed.

 

This bartender speculated that instead of cleaning up, the St. Paddy’s Day night crew was more concerned with getting drunk themselves and counting their tips than they were dealing with regurgitated chicken strips and Irish beer. Can’t say I blame them on this one. St. Patrick’s Day at Maggie O’Tooles sounded like a good ol’ fashioned bro-fest of douchebaggery, if you ask me. Much like the rest of America’s Irish bars, I presume.

 

Maggie O’Tooles has a good beer selection on tap, an extensive menu, two pool tables, TVs, lots of room, and hosts some of the best local bands on their music stage — but I’m not gonna lie about this one: It’s a fucking dive.

 

I’m totally going back for more.

Maggie O’Tooles Irish Pub

6006 100th St SW, Tacoma, WA 98499 253- 584-3278

 

Beer: Cold glasses and cool tap selection.

Food: American fare in an Irish pub.

Service: He really was a cool dude who gave us great service.

 

Bar Exam Dive Grade: A