In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area.  Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to think about other than the 31-14 drubbing the Seahawks just endured at the hands of Kyle Orton (Kyle Orton!) and the Denver Broncos. 

It's not the most important of jobs, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, along with mixing the Purple Drank, it's our life's work.

This week's Ragnet is an adventure in obscene drunkenness.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

First things first: There's nothing funny about drunk driving. Of all the criminal stupidity we report on here at the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk, drunk driving is perhaps the dumbest of the dumb. The headlines we wade through everyday, full of idiotic and tragically selfish tales of drunk drivers taking the lives of innocent people simply because they chose to get behind the wheel after 18 Busch Ices, are literally enough to make a person sick. Drunk driving is wholly avoidable, yet it continues to devastate people's lives every day. That's no joke.

That said, many of us have stories, romanticized and glorified over time, of stupid shit we (or one of our buddies) have done while wasted (perhaps even on 18 Busch Ices). Drunken stories are the things legends are made of (see: John Belushi's iconic Animal House role), and if it wasn't for the horribly effed-up decision to take to the roadways, our next contestant on Ragnet would have quite a doozey.

According to published reports, early on the morning of Sunday, Sept. 12, police began receiving 911 calls from drivers on Interstate 90 reporting a vehicle traveling the wrong direction - heading west in the eastbound lanes. The first call reportedly came in at 1:53 a.m., and throughout the incident as many as 11 callers reached the Washington State Patrol to report the bizarre and dangerous driver on I-90.

East of Issaquah, near Exit 20 (the High Point exit) troopers were able to pull the gentleman behind the wheel over and take him into custody without incident. Not surprisingly, the 40-year-old Federal Way man, identified by troopers as Totta T. Leota according to the Issaquah Press weekly newspaper, was determined by police to be under the influence of alcohol. If the allegations against him prove accurate, the Weekly Volcano's Crime Desk has also taken the liberty of determining Mr. Leota is one of the least-sharp criminals we've encountered in some time.

Shocking development - on both levels. We see a lot of stupid around here, but getting wasted and driving the wrong way on I-90 takes a special kind of dumb.

Of course, this isn't the first time someone has gotten shitfaced and driven the wrong way on a freeway or interstate, but what's truly epic is the length of Mr. Leota's alleged journey: This drunk-ass apparently went 11 MILES in the wrong direction on I-90 before police were able to stop him.

11 MILES!

Wow. Now that dude was drunk! - Dennis Erickson, Drunk Driving Crime Correspondent