In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job- we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to obsess about other than the shocking reunion of young Bristol Palin and the woodsy and undereducated hunk, Levi Johnston.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

Dealing with problems can be hard. There's no doubt about it. Anyone who has ever received an ominous letter from the IRS or a confrontational call from a drunken ex-lover can attest to the fact that simply running away from your problems is often an appealing thought. That said, it rarely ever works out - as a driver in Federal Way found out the hard way last week.

According to published reports, a 44-year-old man behind the wheel of a red Ford Mustang was spotted going 78 mph on southbound Interstate 5 near South 200th Street on July 13. The speeding vehicle drew the attention of a motorcycle trooper who gave chase and attempted to pull the man over.

But the Mustang just kept going. ...

As the chase continued, moving to State Route 516, collecting squad cars and defying reason, the driver of the Mustang started to act strange. He actually started to obey traffic laws - slowing to the speed limit, and at one point signaling before a turn to alert troopers of which way he was going.

After reaching State Route 99, the driver was finally stopped. According to published reports, when troopers made contact with the man, his only excuse was that he "had a suspended license and did not want to deal with it."

Brilliant. - Dee Nile, Coping Skills Crime Correspondent

Loaner ride

According to published reports 43-year-old Elwood Randolph Younkins, formerly a car salesman at Tacoma's Larson Porsche-Audi, was scheduled to be arraigned July 12 in Thurston County Superior Court on a charge of possession-of-a-stolen-vehicle, but his lawyer requested an extension because his client was unavailable - now living in Nebraska of all places.

Putting his poor relocation choice aside (Nebraska? Seriously?), Younkins finds himself in a heap of trouble. In October, according to reports, Younkins' wife was pulled over for expired tabs driving a $74,000 Porche Cayenne in Hawks Prairie. When approached by police, Younkins' wife said her husband was borrowing the car with permission from his employer.

The problem arose when the officer checked the vehicle's VIN number and discovered it'd been reported stolen. Younkins arrived on the scene shortly after - reiterating the story about borrowing the Porche from the dealership.  According to reports, he told officers, "he had been in possession of the vehicle for a couple of years." He also attempted to smooth things over by saying the dealership had never asked for the vehicle's return.

Likely story.

The biggest blow to Younkins' version of events came when officers contacted his supervisor at the dealership, who told the cops there was no way in hell Younkins' should be driving that Porsche.

Younkins was soon arrested and charged - moving to Nebraska not long after.

Of course, compared to prison, even Nebraska looks good. - Herbie Husker, Nebraska Related Crime Correspondent