Currently a dorm resident assistant (RA) and in his junior year as a PLU student, Kyle Sinclair tells me he is working towards a religion degree with a minor in psychology.  Screw haunted houses, those two combined fields of study sound like some scary shit. Who the hell knows, maybe he can figure out why people so readily believe the writings of a 2000 year old book about a character named Jesus who nobody is able to prove ever existed, yet doubt the integrity of scientists creating swine flu vaccines.  Do those shots even work?  I have no idea.  Either way, it all adds up the same to me — I’m led into darkness and fed a bunch of crap until I run away in fear. 

Kyle’s acting resume is already filled with numerous musicals and dramatic productions throughout his high school and college career.  A third year haunted house veteran, Kyle keeps up his demented spirit by reveling in the reactions obtained by scaring his Black Lake Asylum visitors’ pants off.  While he rejoices in our terrorized souls, I can’t help but want to talk to Kyle’s character, Dr. Hubert West.

STEPH DEROSA: Uh, I hate to be the one to point this out, but you’re a zombie, dude. Your doctor days are long gone. Just look at you. 

DR. HUBERT WEST: I wouldn’t dare say so!  I’m the brains of this operation, and I’m still operating on patients to this day.  I believe in the work I’m doing here!

DEROSA: Operating on patients?  Are you serious?  Am I the only one seeing this?  They’re all already dead!  Has anyone ever told you that you guys are all dead?

WEST: Never.  Those people who question our mortality do not have their heart in the ward!

DEROSA: Um, it’s pretty obvious, Dr. West.  They all have white faces and dark circles around their eyes.

WEST: Well, I commend that they have white faces!  Why wouldn’t they?  They’ve been working in the dark, but of course they would have dark circles.  They’re committed to the business.

DEROSA: I certainly know someone that should be “committed.”

WEST: Excuse me?

DEROSA: Nothing.  I have to remember that I’m in an old mental ward.  Doesn’t the smell of all these deceased, rotting bodies bother you?

WEST: That is the smell of SCIENCE!

DEROSA: No, Dr. West. That is the smell of your undeniable insanity.

[Frieghthouse Square, Black Lake Haunted Asylum, through Halloween, 7–10 p.m. Wednesday–Sunday, $13, 2501 E. D St., Tacoma, blacklakeasylum.com]