When Staff Sgt. Robert Bales allegedly took the lives of 17 civilians in Afghanistan on March 11, he left behind more than just headlines. He also left a wife, Kari Bales, who was forced to face one of her worst nightmares under intense public scrutiny.

"People just keep saying ‘I can't imagine what you're going through,'" Bales said. "Sometimes, I can't either. People know how to deal with death and what to say, but this is different," she said, adding, "I am thankful every day that we're not dealing with his death."

Staff Sgt. Bales deployed to Afghanistan with the 3rd Stryker Brigade Combat Team. He is currently being held at Fort Leavenworth, Kan., and awaiting a trial date while Kari and her two children, ages 5 and 2, remain on Joint Base Lewis-McChord, close to family, friends and the life she's known. 

Her job - to which she telecommutes - provides some sense of normalcy at a time when her life is anything but normal. However, she's not as concerned about her own needs as she is about the rest of her immediate family.

As a mother, Bales is focused on sheltering her children and striving to keep their everyday lives as normal as possible. "I have to be strong for them. I am the parent that is here," she said. "I am sure people could say I am guilty of loving and supporting my husband, but my children are innocent."

Following the incident, Kari and the children were relocated from their home in Lake Tapps to JBLM. "When they came to my door that night, they asked me about lodging - like where we would stay that night," she recalled. "I hadn't even considered that yet, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that level of safety (inside the gates) would be better."

For military kids, switching homes, towns, daycares or schools is par for the course. But the Bales', who celebrated their 7th anniversary in March, did not PCS, and the move was done with little notice.

As for living on base, Bales said it's been surprisingly calm.

"People on the base just live their lives and let you live yours," she said. "The FRG has brought meals and some toys for the kids, but otherwise, everyone is respectful of our privacy and I am grateful for that."

She is also quick to point out how incredibly supportive the Army has been, from finding her children spots in Child, Youth and School Services to moving the family's belongings on base from their home in Lake Tapps.

Support for the family extends beyond JBLM. Over the past month, Bales has received checks, notes and heartfelt letters from people across the globe telling her she is in their thoughts and prayers.

In one now-famous gesture, military wife and blogger Lori Volkman wrote an ‘open letter' to Bales (http://bit.ly/HzDTWY) which triggered hundreds of posts from other Servicemembers' spouses, a spot on the NBC Nightly News and even an emotional response from Bales herself.

"I do know that I am not alone and that more people care than don't," Bales said. "There is more support than there is not. I try to take comfort in that. I appreciate every kind comment or word."

A show of local support

On April 7, the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 91 in Tacoma held its annual Department Commander & President's Dinner, with all of the proceeds given to the Bales family. While money collected at the dinner usually goes back to supporting the VFW's outreach programs, this time there was no question as to where the funds would go.

"The stated mission of the VFW is to support veterans, widows and orphans," said retired Air Force Master Sgt. Elmer Clark, VFW commander for Post 91 and District 3. "Staff Sgt. Bales has been an active member here for four years and is a life member of our VFW. Helping Kari and Bob is what we need to do, what we want to do. We need to take them under our wing and make sure they know we're in their corner."

Between ticket sales and raffles, the event raised about $2,000 for the family. All food and prizes were donated in order to cut down on overhead. It is important to note, however, that those monies will not go toward Staff Sgt. Bales' defense fund, which is kept separate and run strictly as a trust to pay legal fees.

For Clark, who shook his head sadly when recalling the unit's going away party before it deployed in late 2011, the priority is helping the family as much as he and his organization can.

"Nothing has been proven yet, and he still needs to be in contact with his children," Clark said. "(The VFW is) also working on funding some phone time for him so he can talk with his family. They all need that to cope."

Donations for Bales and her children can be made at VFW Post 91, located at 2000 South Union Avenue in Tacoma. A box affixed with a photo of Staff Sgt. Bales is located just inside the front door. To ensure that the building is open, call (253) 759-6995. Donations for the Defense Fund can be sent to: The Staff Sergeant Robert Bales Legal Defense Fund, PO Box 2774, Seattle, WA 98111.

"I have dealt with deployments," Bales said. "They have an end date. This doesn't. I don't know what is going to happen. All I can do is take it a day at a time."