An Oscar party hosted by The Grand Cinema. "A contradiction in terms!" you, Perceptive Reader, exclaim. "Our quaint and unassuming town's quaint and unassuming oasis for independent film raising a champagne flute to the Hollywood machine's 83rd annual love-in? Pure poppycock!"

Oh pish to your overcritical airs and overindulgence in adjectives! For you I recommend some homespun wisdom from the Simpson patriarch: "It's a party, Marge! It doesn't have to make sense!"

A party in this case makes perfect sense, actually, when you consider the Academy's ever-expanding recognition of films made far from studio control. Multiple nominations for little-seen darlings like The Kids Are All Right, The King's Speech and Winter's Bone give hope to both the average viewer and the aspiring filmmaker. Artists and patrons can stand alongside King George VI, and shatter the silence in tradition's hallowed cloisters with a shout, "I have a voice!"

With my pontificating out of the way, let's get to it. The Grand's Oscar Party festivities begin at 4 p.m., Sunday, Feb. 27 - one hour before the televised red carpet coverage. Some among us will ogle the brands and fabrics enveloping the VIPs entering the Kodak Theatre. Others may want to satisfy an intellectual curiosity and compare favorite screen icons with their "real" personas.

The spacious Rialto has hosted the event in past years, but The Grand has strategically chosen a new venue: Broadway Center's Theatre on the Square. "We liked the smaller atmosphere," notes Director of Community Development Rachel Marecle. Of course, fewer seats also gives people greater incentive to purchase tickets early.

"We're looking to ... make this just a really fancy party, the (Oscar) party to be at ... something people are buying a month in advance because it's hard to get tickets," Marecle adds.

Now in her fourth year as this gala's head coordinator, Marecle - with the help of close to 20 volunteers - has no doubt prepared an enjoyable evening. Let's fade in on your arrival:

EXT. THEATER - WIDE SHOT - YOU

Flanked by paparazzo on all sides, you saunter down the red carpet. Fans clamor madly for just the briefest touch of your radiating awesomeness. The flash bulbs bathe you in a light both clean and complete - the world adores you.

I left out one bit of script direction: your clothing. The Grand requests all attendees don their finest duds, or toss on a costume. So far in this year's awards season I've heard at least two winning actors dismiss their craft as dress up. So why shouldn't you get to play pretend too? Just look at your choices from 2010 movies alone: king, ballerina, cowboy, pugilist, magician or even speech therapist! Basically every dream job your childhood brain conjured up can come true for one night, and everyone votes on the purdiest getup.

The Grand has even more contests in store. Almost 30 local businesses have contributed various raffle prizes and items for the silent auction, including golf packages, wine baskets and full-access passes to the upcoming Port Townsend Film Festival. Two suave MCs will keep things sailing: Marty Campbell serves on the city council and as president of The Grand's board of directors, and fellow board member Mitch Robinson has acted in multiple shorts for the theater's annual film contest.  

After a dinner from Jònz Catering and dessert by Corina Bakery, after Embellish Salon does its last makeover, the night fades to black with this party's Best Picture equivalent: the famed Golden Ticket. Correctly guessing the most Oscar winners wins you and a guest a whole year's haul of free flicks at The Grand.

2011 Academy Awards Party

Sunday, Feb. 27, 4 p.m. doors, 4:30 p.m. Red Carpet coverage
$20 general admission, $15 Grand members
Theatre on the Square, 915 Broadway, Tacoma
See grandcinema.com for party highlights