It's that time. 

You've waited many difficult months to see your friend, soul mate, spouse. You envision the both of you romping through a field of daisies in formal clothes to embrace while a classical music theme plays in the background.

What you get is a crowded military installation thrumming with activity, ACUs, and the occasional screaming child, and a rather awkward embrace.

Your spouse also may seem changed - happy to see you, to be sure, but maybe there's an underlying sorrow, maybe a tired but vigilant quality that never was present before the deployment.

Turns out, the reality of the homecoming can be as joyful a time as you'd hoped for, but there also may be equal doses of anxiety and discomfort mixed in with the joy and familiarity of being reunited with your loved one.

Karen Pavlicin, a former Marine wife, had been through quite a few deployments prior to the first Gulf War.

"As people in the military war know, it's what we do all the time," she explained.

During the first Gulf War, she recalls a lack of resources.  "I felt frustrated," she said.  So she turned her frustration into action.

"I decided to talk with families, gather their best ideas, and share." The fruits of those talks became her book, "Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families," which was awarded a gold medal in 2005 for "Best Reference Book" by the Military Writers Society of America.

Pavlicin's second book on deployment, "Life After Deployment: Military Families Share Reunion Stories and Advice" (available from MilitaryFamilyBooks.com and Amazon.com) was published this January.  She says the idea for the second book came directly out of requests from military spouses and families.

In August, Pavlicin published an article for Military Spouse Magazine, "Finally, the Homecoming: Anticipating and experiencing the long-awaited reunion." In it, she offers tips for reunions, some of which she consolidated in an e-mail for Fort Lewis Ranger readers.

"Laugh - Not everything needs to be serious. Keeping a sense of humor will help you through those tense moments.

Love - Remind yourself regularly that you love your service member and your family. Watch your kids sleep. Keep happy photos around the house. Write love notes. When you see through eyes of love, you'll remember what's really important.

Buy more underwear - The more underwear you have, the less laundry you need to do. Find ways to manage all the mundane tasks so you have more time to spend with each other. Other people would love to help you, so let them.

Keep the faith - You made it through deployment when you weren't together; you can make it through reunion! Keep your perspective on the bigger picture. It often takes a long time to get back in sync, but it's a relatively short time compared to spending your life together. Meet the challenges together knowing that you are in this for the long term. It helps me to know there is a higher purpose at work and I need to trust God.

Make time for yourself - There are 1,440 minutes in a day. You can take an hour for yourself and still have plenty of time for everyone else. Make time to renew your energy, faith, and balance. When you take care of yourself, you have more patience and love for everyone else. And if everyone in your family gets that time for themselves - as well as good exercise, healthy food, and sleep every day - together you can create a wonderful reunion that builds the foundation for your future together."

 She added: "I have more tips in my book ‘Life After Deployment ... ,' things like making time for couples to court each other, giving kids physical outlets, maintaining some of the friendships/relationships you had during deployment."

And this support includes advice cited in her article on reunions from Dr. Michelle D. Sherman, director of the Family Mental Health Program at the Oklahoma City Veterans Affairs Medical Center. In the article, Sherman pointed out that "while most adjustments are typical and gradual, there are some red flags, including: A high level of substance abuse that inhibits daily life; thoughts of suicide or homicide; reckless behavior; spousal or child abuse; and severe or prolonged changes in sleep or appetite."

Some options for support in these matters, as mentioned in Pavlicin's magazine article, include talking confidentially to a chaplain or therapist at a VA clinic, or a call to Military OneSource for a referral to private consultation with a community specialist.

Additionally, Pavlicin emphasized the importance of maintaining deployment friendships by stating, "Lots of times people drop the friendships that helped them get through deployment - fellow soldiers in the unit, friends in the FRG - because the deployment is over. But those friendships can help you keep perspective during reunion too.

"It's more fun when you don't have to go it alone," she said.