One of my favorite quotes from stoner comic Ngaio Bealum reads, "Instead of saying ‘smoking wet,' I suggest we call placing hash on top of weed "putting a bird on it."

Anyone who has seen Portlandia can appreciate that joke.

Anyway, Bealum, who got his start as a street performer at San Francisco's Pier 39, then smoked his way to ABC, MTV, BET and Comedy Central shows  - most recently on The Sarah Silverman Program - brings his hilarity to Tacoma Comedy Underground Friday and Saturday as a fundraiser for the Seattle Hempfest.

Here we chat with Bealum about Tacoma, weed, writing, weed, cooking and weed.

WEEKLY VOLCANO: What's your impression of Tacoma? Do you have a favorite weed strain, and/or comedian in this area? 

NGAIO BEALUM: I love Tacoma. My favorite things about Tacoma are: Ralph Porter and Travis Kenny. I am working with them at the Tacoma Comedy Underground this weekend. Is Tacoma known for any particular weed strains? I haven't found one yet. What would they call it? Tacoma Aroma? T-Town Trainwreck?  Seatac Green Crack? I am down to try any local flavor. Bring them to the show and we will compare and contrast.

VOLCANO: Where are your favorite cities to tour? Which ones have the best weed?

BEALUM: My fave cities as of five minutes ago: 1. Tacoma - yes I am kissing ass just a little; 2. San Francisco; 3. Portland; 4. Seattle; 5. Tucson.  San Francisco, Portland and Sacramento usually have the best weed, with Seattle very close. I feel like The SeaTac area is just coming into its own when it comes to growing good cannabis. There was a time in the '90s when it seemed like it was easier to find heroin than it was to find weed in the Pacific Northwest. I am glad that has changed.

VOLCANO: Writing weed articles for the Sacramento News Review must be fun. What is a favorite topic? 

BEALUM: A question about weed and sex was one of my faves. I advised him to use a sativa dominant hybrid, and to have some water and Starburst candies around to help with the cottonmouth. I also just wrote an article about smoking weed in public. My advice: Stay cool and remember you aren't doing anything wrong so quit acting like a criminal. If anyone has any questions about weed, they can send them to me at: ask420@newsreview.com.

VOLCANO: How do you balance being a comedian, writer, musician, parent and activist - and bust out delicious dishes - all while being a stoner?

BEALUM: Very carefully. One thing at a time. Make priorities, stay calm. That's my motto. I am not always super successful at it, but I do my best. And I have lots of friends to help out.

VOLCANO: Speaking of delicious dishes, what's your favorite food to cook for late-night munchies?

BEALUM: I will cook whatever is in the fridge or pantry. Every day is like an episode of Chopped. One time I had ramen, margarine and marshmallows, so I made Ramen Treats. They were hella good. The secret is to not use the flavor packet.

Catch Bealum at 8:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday night in the basement of the Big Whisky Saloon in downtown Tacoma. Follow him on twitter: @ngaio420

COMEDY UNDERGROUND, 8:30 P.M. FRIDAY, MARCH 29-SATURDAY, MARCH 30, $15, 100 S. NINTH ST., TACOMA, 253.272.2489