So naïve I was, back in 1996. Fresh from under a large wheel of Texas tumbleweed, I had never even heard of a clam, much less eaten one. (And no, I’m not talking about eating a bearded clam, perverts.) Gooey, raw, and freshly shucked oysters from the Gulf of Mexico were my delicacy, and the mere thought of putting something as strange as a “steamed clam” into my mouth made my guts coil up like a slug under salt. Seated at a Harbor Lights table for eight, with newly found peers looking on, one simple day in 1996 I erased any preconceived notions and downed my very first steamed clam. Delicious and nutritious, it was love at first bite. (Sorry, George Hamilton.)

 

With my dashing younger cousin in town, he specifically requested fresh seafood and a night out in Tacoma with Steph DeRosa as his escort. Being the professional chef that he is, and me being the dive bar hound that I am — I figured Harbor Lights’ bar would be the perfect place to achieve both a solid fish meal AND a worthy liquor buzz.

 

Inside the packed side bar of Harbor Lights sat couples from every age group, and a drink in every hand. Leather seats, cheesy carpeting, rope lighting, Commencement Bay views, and one of the most spectacular Jim Beam decanter collections imaginable lay upon the innards of this dive bar within a landmark Tacoma restaurant. Legend has it that old Harbor Lights owner secretively and slowly skimmed the liquor out of each and every collectable Jim Beam container displayed in the hovering glass cabinets — making their net worth drop in large amounts.

 

Something tells me the servers know this story a little too well. I should’ve smelled their breath.

Harbor Lights

2761 Ruston Way, Tacoma, 253.752.8600

 

Beer: Budweiser only on tap.

Food: Undoubtedly some of Tacoma’s best clams.

 

Bar Exam Dive Grade: A