Not all the feisty yarn whores were in attendance, but I did manage to catch the craziest of the crazy at their weekly bitch-n-stitch last Sunday. I can’t tell you at what secret location I met up with The Feisty Knitters, for fear they’d stab me in the throat with a bamboo knitting needle — but I will tell you that I did indeed eat a bran muffin during our two-and-a-half-hour escapade, and that I most certainly was holding in a ton of farts.



FEISTY KNITTERS: What is that smell?



STEPH DEROSA: Um, I think it’s the lady that just walked by. Damn hippie needs to bathe. So, are you guys here to teach people how to knit?



KNITTERS: Not really. But if someone we like comes along and genuinely wants to know, then we’d be happy to show them. But they can’t be coming back every week asking us the same questions over and over. They need to be learning.



DEROSA: Like me?



KNITTERS: Uh, sure. Do you have any needles? Did you bring yarn?



DEROSA: Nope. You guys have lots of yarn. Can’t I just use yours?


KNITTERS: Knitta, please. Who the F shows up to a knitting circle without needles and yarn? I guess we need to remember whom we’re talking to here.



DEROSA: Hey now. The power of the pen can wield danger to this little interview, I hope you know.


KNITTERS: That might make a difference if anybody read your column.



DEROSA: You guys read my column, don’t you?


KNITTERS: We would except we never see the Volcano around. Right, girls?



DEROSA: There’s a whole stack right over there. And you meet here all the time.


KNITTERS: Well I live in Olympia, so that’s why I don’t.



DEROSA: The Volcano is in the South Puget Sound, including Olympia. The cover is even about Olympia height restrictions this week. You guys were talking about it earlier, I heard you!


KNITTERS: Oh, dammit. Busted. Look, isn’t it good enough we let you come to a meeting? And I swear you smell like something grossly familiar.



DEROSA: Fine. Let’s get back to the interview. What would you say is the mission statement of The Feisty Knitters?


KNITTERS: A mission statement? Are you kidding me? Here’s a statement for you, and make sure you write this down: “Fuck off, we’re knitting!”



Check out Professor Purl, Kninja, Peaknit Butter, Katherine Van Knitalot, Twirl, and Hello Knitty at myspace.com/feistyknitters.