Opportunity was knockin’ on our dive bar luvin’ door last week as the gang and I tooled around Sumner, drinking to our heart’s content. Directly across the street from Captain Jack’s and in the same parking lot as The Old Cannery, convenience was key as we walked across the way and directly into Riverside Pub and Eatery. 

There’s not too much that can scare me away from a good dive bar, but something I had witnessed in the Riverside’s past has thrown me off from visiting this dive for a while now. It was around 10 a.m. on a recent Sunday morning that I stepped outside the Riverside’s neighboring coffee shop, Beyond the Bridge Café, to take a private phone call. As I was chatting on the phone outside of BBC, I looked over and watched a grizzly man stumble out of the Riverside Pub and immediately start vomiting into the bushes. He vomited into the bushes, onto the sidewalk, and all over the parking lot. Repeatedly. I was repulsed and sickened. The association of early morning protruding man-vomit in correlation to the Riverside made me leery from the beginning. But dammit all to hell if that wasn’t an excellent sign that the Riverside was going to be a dive.

Inside, much to my surprise, the Riverside Pub is extremely well kept. New, clean floors and a shiny polished bar made us feel safe and comfortable inside the walls where a man once stumbled out and morning-vomited. There’s a karaoke machine, pool table, and awesome drink specials happening almost every day of the week. Any bar that can make cheap domestics even cheaper will approach a holy-like status in my book of “Places to Sin.” It’s a little different, and not as big as my other book, “People to Sin With.” 

The patrons of Riverside Pub and Eatery were what gave it a “dive” feel, but the place is too clean to rank it amongst the divey-est of dives. Even with all the vomit stains out front on the sidewalk.

Riverside Pub and Eatery 

13704 Valley Ave. E., Sumner, 253.863.8369

Service — The bartender went outside to smoke a lot.

Food — Their grill is broken. What’s up with that?

Beer — Actually had a pretty decent selection on tap.

Bar Exam Dive Grade — C+