The last time I was at The Beach Tavern on Titlow Beach, let’s be brutally honest, I was in a drunken stupor and wasted as all hell. It was one of three dates I had with a cute guy named Mitch who had a cat named Steve. Needless to say, I barely remember what The Beach Tavern looked like back then, and I sure as hell don’t remember if Mitch and I had fun. Well, wait, I do remember a little fun happening that night, but I’ll save that story for my next porn flick. This time The Beach Tavern was all new to me.

Somewhat recently reconfigured for an outstanding alcohol collection, the bar is well-kept and fully padded. Not only is the bar fully and comfortably padded, but the barstools are just the perfect width for some pleasant ass time while belly-up. But wait! The padding doesn’t stop at just the bar area. The walls are padded, the booths are padded, and the posts running down the aisles are padded. A fellow barfly quickly announced that at The Beach everyone was pure, unadulterated crazy — hence the padded walls. 

Massive beer signage yet fresh atmosphere gave this joint the perfect clean dive-bar feel.

Alongside the bar-top beer nuts, beef jerky, and cashews for sale comes a special bottled sauce that intrigued me to no end. It was simply called, “The Sauce Enhancer.” What the hell? I had to try it. After dousing some of this special sauce into my Bloody Mary I conclude that yes, this locally made, not found in stores “Sauce Enhancer” does in fact enhance your sauce. Go figure.

Only at The Beach Tavern have I found this economy-friendly (free) “sauce enhancing” option, and for that I love The Beach Tavern. Well, that and everything about the place is pretty damn cool. And I mean everything — even the memories of Mitch. 

Beach Tavern

8612 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.564.9984

Beer: domestics and a few typical micros

Service : Excellent. Welcoming, personable, and witty. 

Food : $14.95 steak dinner!

Extra Credit: The bartender brought me outside to show me a Bald Eagle.

Bar Exam Dive Grade: A