Matt Driscoll and I split the emcee duties on the Weekly Volcano Rock Stage last Saturday at the Point Defiance Music Festival. I had to take the morning shift seeing as how Matt had his sperm donation appointment that morning. I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, great, just what Tacoma needs — more Driscoll in the gene pool.” Don’t fret, my friends, his donations are specifically used for scientific research in order to study the effects of drugs on a man’s reproductive system. So I suppose I’m fine with that.



Unfortunately I missed the introduction of Starstruck, Tacoma’s all girl rockin’ pre-teen band. I arrived at 11:03 a.m. instead of 11, and damn if they hadn’t started without me. I was so disappointed. Good friend Dena Long’s daughter, Maddy, is the drummer for Starstruck. I had some great Starstruck emcee-ing that will just have to wait until next time. Angela Jossy’s shoulder was conveniently available for me to cry on after I realized what I had missed.



GE5 blew us away with their keen pop-rock melodies. These guys had it all — humor, charisma, good looks, and the ability to rock a stage with original hits like pros. Everyone in the band sings at least one of their songs, thus proving what a well-rounded team they really are.



Jonny Smokes is not only good looking, but he’s a one-man-band who knows all the ropes. I felt lucky to have seen him in action. There were bongos and plenty of guitars — all of which he whizzed through without even flinching. Watching his sweat wet through his T-shirt under the blazing Weekly Volcano tent was also fun. Heh.



As usual, I had Bandito Betty in tow for the music fest, and we hooked up with our other favorite rebel rouser, The KAke. Lunch approached and there was no doubt in my mind that we had to hit up Don’s Ruston Market and Deli for a cold sandwich. They make a mighty fine ham and cheese like mom used to make, and their old fashioned soda fountain is incomparable. Pick between any of their 15-or-so syrup flavors, and they’ll mix it up for you — fresh co2 and all.



Oh, since this IS Toilet Tales, I better mention Don’s bathroom. It's tiny with crooked floorboards and limited knee room. The faux foliage adds a touch of class to this outhouse that somehow made it inside the store.



Right after lunch is when we decided is was beer-thirty. I had to stay close to the Volcano tent, and the nearest beer garden was somewhere not close to us. Oh, what to do, what to do? How would we ever get a cold beer inside our tummies without leaving the Volcano stage?



It was as though Bacchius himself heard our cries, parted the alley behind us, and brought in our chariot. 2112’s white van had arrived, and they were just as thirsty as we were. It was like a scene from a creepy after school special:



Steph DeRosa buys a cheap six-pack of beer and asks for five cups. “Straws?” asks the store attendant. “Not needed,” she replies. With a large unmarked bag in arms, Steph approaches the men in the white van, giving the symbolic “I have the goods” nod. A band member slides the side door open, and we crawl inside. Beers were passed, cups were filled, and all was good. The five-o would be none the wiser to their illegal, non-beer garden, open-container shenanigans.



Face it, there’s no better time during the summer than the time one can spend sitting outside on a sunny day, drinking contraband alcohol and listening to a RUSH tribute band. These guys are my new best friends. Hell yeah, baby.



To make the day even better, after 2112 finished (amazing band, by the way) I was fortunate enough to introduce The Hard Way, one of my favorite Olympia bands. Their bassist, Elizabeth Yeager, is a sexy, fantastic and very talented fellow Texan. (Much like myself — minus the sexy part.) (And the talented part.) (I’m just plain ol’ fantastic.) (Maybe.)



The Point Defiance Music Festival was a ton of fun for Bandito, The KAke and me. Good job, Angie Jossy and crew, we rocked the day away thanks to your amazing lineup on the Volcano Stage. See you next year!