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Wayne's Inn

They open at 6 a.m. Yeah!

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Slap on your body Trojan and lube up the Purell, we’re jumping head-first into South Puget Sound’s official list of unofficial dive bars. Who made up this official list? Me. Who’s going to risk life and limb to explore and grade the insides of these bars? Me. Who will do anything for a cold beer? This girl, right here, Steph DeRosa.

So my girl-pal JustJen and I decided my first stop was to be Wayne’s Inn in Puyallup. Upon driving in I noticed the first item to be scored on my unofficial dive bars Bar Exam: The gravel driveway. Smooth pavement is only a sign of bar pretentiousness. I gingerly parked my car avoiding the big potholes filled with rainwater, making sure I parked next to the small ones with tiny puddles.

As I approached the front doors (That’s right, I said doors, plural), I felt like I was playing a game of “Let’s Make A Deal.” This was item number two to be scored: How many front doors does the bar have in the front of the building? They like to put a couple out front to test you. If you’re a regular, then you know which one is the right one automatically.

On the inside of Wayne’s, there was a presence of all things ‘dive bar’:

  1. Obscene amount of beer posters decorating the walls

  2. Low ceilings

  3. Wood paneling

  4. Scratch ’n’ Sniff menus

There were at least three of the mandatory mullet-men. (The more mullets I encounter, the higher the grade.) The songs on the jukebox ranged from Bon Jovi to Mariah Carey to Hank Williams Jr. Randomness in music adds to the grade. So does grossness of the bathroom. One important item that definitely affects the grade of a dive bar is: What time do they open and how early do their customers start drinking? 6 a.m.? A+!

The burger was outstanding, the beer was cold, and the tap variety was pretty good. The only question I’m left with for Wayne’s Inn is: Why is it called an “Inn”? Do people sleep there?

Wayne’s Inn grade for the Bar Exam: B+

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