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(Insert 'Terminator' joke here)

Sarah Connor must survive, or we will never rock

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I’m kind of a slacker. If you read this column with any regularity, you probably already know this. I admit the fact freely, and I wear the slacker colors with pride. Like all great slackers before me, I’ve worked diligently to perfect my craft of finding the path of least resistance, and when I arrive at a finish line with people who’ve worked twice as hard to get there I don’t feel an ounce of guilt.

I’m a slacker and I’m good at it. Deal with it.

However, being a professional grade slacker isn’t all fun and games. There’s a negative side to this life of ease I’ve chosen.   

For instance, it’s Christmas night as I write this, and what am I doing? Am I curled up with the family sipping warm booze and watching some Disney flick like the rest of Christdom? No. Am I locked in the bedroom, pacing frantically, trying to figure out how I’m going to actually pay for the “Diamond Journey Pendant” that TV convinced me my wife wouldn’t love me without? No. Am I already in bed, having dreams about how effed up it is to be going back to work the day after Christmas? No.

What am I doing?

I’m working. Because I’m a slacker. Surely every other scribe on the Weekly Volcano’s crack squad is resting comfortably this evening, deadlines safely met, while I pound away at the keyboard, pulling sentences of questionable quality out of every orifice I can find, making a mad dash to finish before Pappi Swarner’s final buzzer.

I’d have it no other way, but it just goes to show you being a slacker isn’t all good times. It takes a psycho of sorts to get off on this kind of madness.

This week, Sarah Connor will play Hell’s Kitchen on New Years Eve along with South 11th, Bumm Stoge and Violence Unfolds. If you think anything like me, meaning your mind is consumed by inane pop culture and rotten from high fructose corn syrup, when you see the name Sarah Connor you think of the Terminator movies. Maybe, if you watch as much TV as I do, you’ve even seen the commercials for the upcoming series “The Sarah Connor Chronicles.”

For those who prefer hard facts (and by hard facts I mean stuff posted to the World Wide Interweb by some dude in his underwear living in his mom’s basement) according to

“Sarah Connor (born Sarah J. Connor) is a fictional character, the heroine in the first two entries in the Terminator film series and the upcoming TV series Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. She was played by American actress Linda Hamilton in the film series and will be played by British actress Lena Headey in the television series The Sarah Connor Chronicles.”

But, as you may have guessed, that’s not the Sarah Connor that will be playing Hell’s Kitchen on New Years Eve. Only adding to the confusion, the Sarah Connor that will play Hell’s Kitchen looks nothing like Linda Hamilton, and believe it or not, isn’t even a chick.

Even stranger, this Sarah Connor is originally from Morton, Wash.

Long time friends, the gentleman who make up Sarah Connor may have Morton roots, but at this point in life they proudly proclaim Tacoma as home. It’s in T-town that they all live, and it’s in T-town that their punk rock pyschobilly experiment is taking hold, in a major way. Along with, perhaps, the band’s closest friends within the Tacoma music scene, South 11th, Sarah Connor has earned a reputation as a band who knows how to explode on stage — in a good way.

“Obviously our name came from the ‘Terminator.’ There’s really not anything else to it,” explains drummer Rob Velazquez.

“We’re trying to shy away from emo stuff and artsy fartsy stuff. Some of us dig that stuff, but there’s a lot of watered down music out there. There’s never really a sound goal. We’re just different.”

Besides the band’s sound, it seems Sarah Connor is different than most bands in other ways. Not only are they named after a fictional character from old school movies starring the governor of California, but along with their friends in South 11th the band is single handedly attempting to bring back the split release. Sarah Connor and South 11th plan to release a split record at the end of January. Both bands will reportedly contribute seven tracks. The yet untitled record is being born both out of creativity and necessity.

“Not a lot of bands are doing split records these days,” said Velazquez.

“We’re really tight friends. It’s going to promote both bands. And we were semi-broke. A split release just sounded like a good idea.

“We’re a live band anyway. The studio kind of creeps us out.”

Sarah Connor will play Hell’s Kitchen on New Years Eve. Whether you like the Terminator movies or not, if you consider yourself a fan of rock there’s no way you won’t enjoy this show. South 11th is one of the more exciting punk bands Tacoma has to offer, and Sarah Connor is in the same ballpark. Don’t be a slacker when it comes to this show. You’ll kick yourself for missing it.

[Hell’s Kitchen, with Violence Unfolds, South 11th, Bumma Stoge and Friday Knights, Monday, Dec. 31, 8 p.m., $5, 3829 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.759.6003]

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