How long does an establishment have to be around to win the title of FABULOUS?



Well, for the Firwood Roadhouse, it’s been about 80 years.



The Fabulous Firwood Roadhouse in Puyallup has operated since 1923, but way back then, medical advancements (a complete lack thereof) would’ve prevented them from envisioning the kind of giveaway that’s going on there now.



While Doyle’s Public House was doing a fund-raiser for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation last weekend, the Firwood is in the middle of a competition to try to give boobies away.



Yes, they’re hosting a weekly opportunity to offer one lucky woman a $3,500 boob job.



Now, as a girl who doesn’t really need that kind of love and would gladly give away some of my own, I’m not a big fan of boob jobs, and I really don’t know if these girls understand the negative attention that comes with big gazoombas. As a light example, you have no idea how many times I’ve had to remind guys where my eyes are.

However, I do understand some women’s insecurity about not having much at all, so I’ll digress and continue to be entertained by this Firwood giveaway that’s unlike any other that I’ve seen.



“Win A Rack Thursdays” happens every week with DJ Penguin spinning all kinds of cuts while contestants submit an essay, song lyric, poem, or short sales pitch that’s recited or sung on stage at the stroke of midnight. The goal of each is to convince the audience why that special girl, above all the others, should win the coveted enhancement. The winner of each week moves on to the finals, which will be held in the final weeks of October.



Outside of handing out silicone, the Firwood has other good things to offer. This 10,000-square-foot establishment is great for hosting birthday and bachelorette parties and high school reunions. The front room is full of long tables, with plenty of space for dancing and a good stage. The back game room and its adjoining beer garden are great getaways. The Firwood also has a mechanical bull and pulls in some great DJs and bands.



The Firwood packs up on Thursdays (obviously) Fridays and Saturdays with all kinds of hot, young, beautiful people where the girls rock their heels and their best smoky eyes, and the guys break in their new collared shirts.



Umch, umch!



So now that you know about this South End staple, before I go, please allow me to offer two pieces of advice.



When you go to the Firwood, be sure to appoint a designated driver because those winding Fife roads could really get you into trouble.



And to the lucky lady who wins the brand new rack:



If you choose a C cup, you really can’t go wrong.



[Fabulous Firwood, 8014 Valley Ave., Puyallup, 253.848.6126]