In hindsight, my high school prom “dress” was very much like Tinky Winky’s costume on the Telletubies.



I should note, first off, that I did not go to prom, as I was not asked, and I am not bitter about that fact. As it turned out, my senior prom night was spent with my best friend and two college boys. Our “event” was a double feature at the Starlight Drive-In, and one of the movies was “The Golden Child.” I can’t remember the other, as the Mickey’s Stingers the college boys provided for us left me somewhat oblivious to how the evening transpired.



I do know I was chauffeured home intact, clothed in the same Kenzo jumpsuit I left the house in, oblivious until now of how bad that article of clothing really was.



I suspect, in theory, the one-piece cotton article of clothing was supposed to have an “Asian minimalist” aesthetic with a silhouette that hinted at the shape of the wearer.

What that means is that the loose star shape of the jumpsuit — tight on ankles and wrists, baggy everywhere else — was just a little bit of padding away from “eh oh!”



But then, looking at the prom pictures that came out of that era, I think we were all in the same boat, only some of us were in drop-waist taffeta with a bad polyester overlay and uneven hem.



So now we get a do-over as we go to the Sanford & Son prom Aug. 11. We can find fabulous, vintage, fun gowns and go all Andy from Pretty in Pink on them, or choose to go simply divine in our vintage-ness.



But where? And what?



Taking a cue from the theme, “One Night in Bangkok,” one can go in the direction of the mandarin-collared silk cheong sam dress as seen in the window of Vanity, although for me, that particular dress would prove to be a fit challenge.



In fact, I may even have a couple of dresses in that style from my dad’s tour in Vietnam.

But while those dresses fit my mom in 1966, up until I burst on the scene, I don’t think the waistline on any one of them would even fit around my left thigh.



Dang.



So maybe try two might involve tweaking the theme toward a more naughty direction, like taking something that’s a very Thai export — like raw silk — and doing something like a sarong wrap with a scant gold lamé bra top, draping lots and lots of gold around neck and waist.



Oh wait. Naughty means skin, and I still have that pesky farmer’s tan, as well as body parts better left hidden.



So then there’s the original prom idea: vintage, or some interpretation thereof. I tried a wander through some of the different area thrift shops for ideas.



Seeing little to excite me at St Vincent DePaul, Goodwill and Value Village, I made my way to Bargain World. There I found a cache of cast-offs that ranged from wedding disaster 1995 to the best bridesmaid’s dress ever —  1974 sea foam green chiffon size 2X edition.



And then I spied it: the perfect prom dress. This would have been my dress in 1987 if I had gone to prom and hadn’t been in my “I love Depeche Mode and the color black” phase.



Azure blue taffeta, with a dropped waist, off the shoulder neckline with wide sash accented by rosette, the dress ended on a fantasy birthday-cake note with four tiers of flounce for the floor-length skirt, though it tragically lacked a crinoline. It was truly a horribly wonderful beast of a dress, and I wanted it: I knew with it I could aspire to “Prom Queen” dreams.



But again, alas, the deities of size were laughing at me, because while it fit at the hips and very nearly at the waist, by the time the zipper hit my back, the dress was a bright blue-green dream.



So it is, I sit at the drawing board once again. Gretchen Bailey, prom committee worker-bee, gave me a couple more ideas, based on where she’s heard people will be shopping — eBay is one of the vintage shopping havens some prom goers will peruse for dresses. But Bailey throws out an intriguing concept, a business called The Chiffon Lounge, a Tacoma-based Internet operation specializing in dresses; you can find out more through e-mailing donnathurmon@hotmail.com for the full scoop, per Gretchen.



Or, I guess, I could always see if my mom still has that Tinky Winky suit?



[Vanity Fashion Boutique 3108 6th Ave., 253.985.7845, St Vincent DePaul 4009 S. 56th St., 253.474.0519; Goodwill, 3121 S. 38th St., 253.472.5160; Value Village Tacoma, 8025 S. Hosmer St., 253.539.0886 or in University Place, 6802 19th St. W, 253.460.7828; Bargain World, 502 N. Pearl St., 253.759.7811]