He’s taken on soccer (“Kicking & Screaming”) and NASCAR racing (“Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”), and now Will Ferrell turns his comedic talents to men’s figure skating in “Blades of Glory.”  He’s walkin’ on some mighty thin ice here.  I’d try to avoid the usual cliché of saying this is a fine 10-minute “Saturday Night Live” sketch that’s padded with another 80 minutes of filler, but if this unclever and mostly unfunny film doesn’t bother to put in any effort, why should I? 



With the exception of his superb performance in last year’s “Stranger Than Fiction,” Ferrell’s cinematic career has consisted of playing slightly misunderstood, bumbling, occasionally offensive, but ultimately likable characters.  Here he plays Chazz Michael Michaels, the vain, sex-addicted bad boy of men’s figure skating.  He’s the kind of guy who skates to Aerosmith and thrusts his hips during his performances more than Ron Jeremy.  Women fans throw their bras on the ice instead of the usual flowers.  Judges shower him with near-perfect scores. 



Playing the Nancy Kerrigan opposite Ferrell’s Tanya Harding is Jon Heder as Jimmy MacElroy.  He is a slightly effeminate, orphaned skating prodigy who was adopted by a rich American businessman (William Fitchner of “Prison Break”) for the sole purpose of adding a gold medal to his adoptive father’s shelf.  It’s a plot device that is forgotten as quickly as it is brought up.  Like Ferrell, Heder doesn’t really stretch himself as a comedic actor here.  He might as well have worn a perm and a “Vote for Pedro” shirt because Jimmy is a blond version of Napoleon Dynamite. 



When Chazz and Jimmy tie for first place in a skating competition, they end up fighting like two hockey players and are promptly banned for life from men’s figure skating.  After three years away from the sport, Jimmy learns of a loophole that will enable him to skate again in pairs figure skating.  The former rivals are soon setting aside their differences to collectively reclaim their glory. 



As the pair quickly put together their routine, there are a few jokes about men dancing together, crotch grabbing and which one of them is the woman.  None of the material rises above the level of sophomoric and homophobic playground humor.  The film’s target audience — teen-age boys — will no doubt chuckle at these while missing the understated joke: Chazz and Jimmy are oblivious to the fact that their gruff coach (Craig T. Nelson) and flamboyant choreographer (Romany Malco) are actually a well-adjusted (if not openly out of the closet) gay couple. 



Seeking to stop Chazz and Jimmy from reaching the gold is the brother-and-sister team of Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg (played rather one-dimensionally by real-life husband and wife Will Arnett and Amy Poehler).  The pair will stop at nothing to keep their title, including using their much put-upon sister, Katie (Jenna Fischer), to create friction between Chazz and Jimmy. 



There are lots of referential jokes (one example: the peacock costume MacElroy first skates in is based on an outfit actually worn in competition by three-time U.S. National Champion Johnny Weir), but you really have to be a fan of figure skating to get many of them, and it’s doubtful any fans of the sport will voluntarily plunk down money to see their sport lampooned.  The film is far more successful in its use of skating legends in cameo roles (props to Sasha Cohen, who has the thankless task of looking like she actually wants to be sniffing a dance belt that Ferrell throws into the crowd.  Now that’s acting!). 



For the most part, the movie is about as sharp as an old pair of skates.  Professional skaters put in a lot of hard work training to make figure skating look so effortless.  In its attempt to glide to comedic gold, this comedy gets a bronze. 



blades of glory ★★

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler

Directred By: Will Speck and Josh Gordon

Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, language, a comic violent image and some drug references