Place: Del's Feed and Farm Supply

In: Puyallup

Where: You can find farm stuff

Could've: Sworn

When they said: Feed

That meant: They would FEED me

I was expecting: To get fed

Apparently: They only feed animals

But I: Suppose

You could eat: The well-fed animals

I should have known from the initial waft of chicken pellets and garden materials that nothing humanly appetizing was going to come out of my visit to Del's Feed and Farm Supply in Puyallup.

Sure, I know animals need to eat, too. But do they need such a grand, rural version of Whole Foods Market all to themselves? Those greedy little pigs. I bet they're all yucking it up in their sustainable coops, living in the lap of Willie Nelson-esque luxury while I stumble through aisles after aisles of horse-hoof accessories ... with no human feed to be found.

Speaking of hoof accessories, Puyallup's horses are well taken care of thanks to Del's. Pasture seed. Tail decorations. Winter coats. Toys. Peppermint nugget treats. Tools for hoof cleaning. And even fly guards for their eyes. I mean, seriously, what are a few flies in your eyes? C'mon now, what about flies in my eyes? Those damn horses have it made.

As I continued on through Del's I found gerbil feed, bird feed and dog feed, but still no human feed.

I did pick up a screaming deal on feed for my cat. I scored 40 pounds of Del's brand farm style maintenance cat feed for $20. I sensed a bit of feed controversy and/or hypocrisy when I remembered seeing an entire shelf on the other side of the store dedicated to humans catching mice.

DeRosa Manor employs a cat specifically for mousing. I would never want to take nature's food from that lucky little bastard. In fact, we even named our mouser cat after our favorite dish. We cal him "Pasta."

Who knows? In a time of war and poverty, it might become necessary to eat our cat to survive. Explaining it to our daughter would be much easier if we could just say she was "eating Pasta."

As I rounded the final corner of Del's fine selection of boots, I rejoiced at the sight of what I believe to be my own version of legal crack ... candy!

Happy as I was to finally arrive at a section of Del's where humans could feed, I couldn't help but wonder where the fish feed was. Aha! Fish can be farm-raised, too!

[Del's Feed and Farm Supply, 308 W. Stewart, Puyallup, 253.845.0495]