This week ...

Place: Warthog Barbeque Pit

Established: 1999

Location: Fife

Founder: Gary Kurashima

Closed for deep cleaning: Christmastime

Curtains: Black ruffles with chili peppers

Stuffed dead animals: 30

Sweet tea: Yes

Built: Inside the Kingdome

Previously: Log cabin model home

Seating: Indoor and outdoor

Capacity: 50-100 guests

Catering: Yes

Music: Country

Number of Thin Mints I ate while writing this: 8

Upon entering this log cabin dwelling, I saw a taxidermist's wet dream lining the walls. There were deer, buffalo, birds, hogs, snakes and a turtle - all wide-eyed and posing with the same stiff smile I used in my high school yearbook photo. Was this a restaurant or a petting zoo? 

Warthog Barbeque Pit's coordinating manager of the past six years, Theresa Boggs, quickly reassured me that none of the meat from the 30-something stuffed animals gracing our presence were part of the daily special. She also informed me that none of them were killed by her or anyone else working at Warthog.

After perusing the menu for a short while, I tested Boggs' sincerity by asking questions such as, "Does PETA ever give you guys a hard time?" and "How do you know these animals are really dead?" Mr. DeRosa, fully aware that I'm capable of triggering a nerve in just about anyone, erupted with  a great big belly laugh, knowing I was most likely on the edge. As her reward for stroking my curiosity, I stopped badgering Boggs and ordered some food.

"These are the best damned fries I have EVER had!" exclaimed Mr. DeRosa, while our offspring swiveled on her stool made out of a real horse's saddle. I looked over at a huge vat of warm barbeque sauce sitting on the counter, wondering how the stuffed armadillo next to it would taste dipped inside.   

Personally, I found the barbeque sauce to be a little on the sweet side, but Mr. DeRosa reminded me that I have no taste buds left and that the sauce was perfectly fine. He's right. If my tongue had its own landline, we'd put 911 on the speed dial and alert all local fire stations. I love me some spicy food.

Oh great. Now I have tongues and hot firemen on the brain. Time to end the column - I'm going to need a moment alone.

[Warthog Barbeque Pit, 4921 20th St. E., Fife, 253.896.5092]