In every issue of this fine rag, my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to do other than scoop buckets of water out of Tacoma's old City Hall.

This week's Ragnet takes us to the Interstate, where there should be a special lane reserved for the stupid.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

The day before Thanksgiving is synonymous with a lot of things, like last minute runs to the store, pie preparation, cranberry procurement and - apparently on Interstate 5 in Tacoma - incredible criminal stupidity.

According to published reports, three crooks were caught red-handed near I-5 and 72nd Avenue in Tacoma last Wednesday, Nov. 24 - foiled by a Department of Transportation worker, a responding Washington State Trooper and the amount of idiocy usually reserved for episodes of Two and a Half Men.

The News Tribune's "Lights & Sirens" blog first reported the event, which took place early Wednesday morning. Shortly before 7:30 a.m. a Department of Transportation employee cruising along I-5 noticed a 2006 Mazda MZ5 stopped on the side of the freeway, sitting on the 72nd Street off-ramp of southbound I-5. Initially, according to reports, the DOT employee suspected the driver might be stranded and in need of help, but soon realized the car was abandoned.

A diligent DOT employee (not sleepwalking through one last shift before the Thanksgiving weekend), after determining the driver was nowhere to be found, they ran the Mazda's license plate number and quickly learned that the car was actually stolen. As soon as this information was uncovered the DOT employee reported the finding to state troopers.

Like a red velvet bag full of holiday dumbness, what happened next had to be a shock even to the DOT employee (who, let us not forget, works for the DOT - meaning they've probably seen some serious shit in their day). While waiting for troopers to arrive, the DOT employee witnessed a white van pull up in front of the abandon Mazda, a man jump out to put gas in the car's tank and a female accomplice get behind the wheel. Once gassed up, the Mazda, the white van AND the following DOT employee pulled back into traffic - with the state patrol well on its way.

Shortly thereafter, the stolen Mazda was stopped near South 66th Street and Alder, and the 33-year-old female driver was arrested. According to reports, "an unidentified burglary tool," and stolen credit cards were found inside the vehicle.

Next, the trooper stopped the white van and two men, ages 41 and 31, were arrested for their alleged part in the criminal endeavor.

Finally, we assume the trooper and the DOT worker spent plenty of happy hours the next day - Thanksgiving - telling stories to extended family members of the alleged criminal morons they'd helped nab the previous morning.

The suspected car thieves, on the other hand, we assume spent Thanksgiving trying to figure out how to be smarter, which may include a criminal master plan that doesn't include running out of gas on I-5 in a stolen car and then returning to the scene with a van full of friends to retrieve it. - Albert Magloan, Car Theft Crime Correspondent