In every issue of this fine rag, my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least gives you something to do other than find new uses for your T.J. Houshmandzadeh jersey.

It's not the most important of jobs, but someone has to do it. At the Weekly Volcano Crime Desk - along with spicing up the sauce - it's our life's work.

This week's Ragnet takes us to Tacoma's Human Society, where seized dogs aren't always the most dangerous ones in the room.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

If you've ever seen Lassie, or Old Yeller, or Benji, or For the Love of Benji, or Benji's Very Own Christmas Story, or Benji the Hunted, or Benji Off Leash, or Benji Does Dallas - not to mention Homeward Bound or Marley and Me - you know how attached people can become to dogs. There's a reason they're called, "man's best friend" - and it's not just because getting along with a dog is 10 times easier than getting along with another human being (hell, you kick a dog when your drunk and it STILL loves you!). It's because people just freakin' love dogs, and when push comes to shove they'll go to great lengths to prove it.

This fact was made clear early last week when, according to published reports, a man wouldn't take no for an answer at the Tacoma Humane Society, located at 2608 Center St.

Judging by reports of the event, it seems a man (whose name, age and place of residence were not immediately available) visited the Humane Society in Tacoma Monday afternoon, Aug. 30. Once there, he allegedly pulled a knife on an employee.  Initial reports of the event gave no indication as to why the man pulled the knife; the first reports to surface said only that police had been called and the knife wielding man might still be inside.

Not long after, more of the story came out. Whether the man was familiar with the dog prior to his visit or not (a question not addressed in early media coverage of the event), at some point he decided there was a pit bull which had been seized and deemed dangerous that simply had to be freed. After allegedly pulling a knife on a Humane Society employee, the man grabbed the caged, potentially dangerous pit bull and left - an act technically described as theft, but perhaps more akin to dognapping.

While the man may be one of the top 10 Humane Society bust-out experts of all time (for rarely has an imprisoned pooch been freed with such gusto), he was not the sharpest tool in the shed. Police were able to track the man's license plate, and by the end of the day had captured him and returned the pit bull to safety at the Humane Society where I'm sure it'll be put down shortly, if it hasn't been already.

Sadly, police did not report any sort of Thelma & Louise style getaway chase when the man was apprehended. However, a similar scene is expected to be added to the movie (which is already in preproduction).

Benji will play the part of the pit bull. - Joe Camp, Canine Crime Correspondent