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Power of Love

Like drug use and prolific crime sprees

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In every issue of this fine rag my hack team of wannabe journalists and I tackle some of the most laughable criminal acts that have recently happened in our area. Then - if we're doing our job - we write about those crimes in a way that makes you chuckle, or at the very least helps you find something better to do than return crappy Christmas gifts at the mall.

This week's column takes us to Tacoma, where love (and drugs) can make people do some wacky things.

Enjoy. - Matt Driscoll

A fluttering in your chest. A momentary feeling of weightlessness in a world that's usually depressing and heavy. A rush of blood to your head (snicker).

They're all sure signs of love.

And, in Tacoma, other things - far less wholesome or romantic in nature - can sometimes be added to the list.

Like drug use and prolific crime sprees, for example.

By now you've probably heard the alleged story of 26-year-old Joshua Jacob Nitschke, currently charged with 28 counts of first-degree robbery and two counts of attempted robbery for a string of Tacoma-area sandwich shop stickups that boggles the mind. Prosecutors say that Nitschke (presumably no relation to Ray Nitschke) used a toy gun to rob Subways, various pizza joints and gas stations across Pierce County - with the stolen money funding a serious drug habit. Despite the fact that Nitschke allegedly told police his drug habit was funded by the robberies he stands accused of, on Thursday, Dec. 15 the alleged crook pled not guilty to all charges against him. The News Tribune reports that Superior Court Judge Gary Steiner ordered Nitschke jailed in lieu of $500,000 bail.

While that's all well and good, it's not nearly the end of the story.

When Hollywood undoubtedly gets a hold of the Subway bandit story (with Shia Labeouf cast in the lead role), there's no way they'll leave out the fact that Nitschke had a female partner in crime, 23-year-old Cassandra Elizabeth Koepke.

Koepke - who probably won't be played by Megan Fox - stands accused of four counts of first-degree robbery and one count of attempted first-degree robbery related to Nitschke's alleged string of sandwich shop stickups.

According to reports by Adam Lynn on The News Tribune's "Lights & Sirens" blog, Koepke pled not guilty in Pierce County Court Tuesday, Dec. 13 to the five aforementioned charges. Authorities contend that Koepke, drawing on a work history that includes a stint at Subway, helped Nitschke plan and execute at least five heists - acting as his getaway driver in these burglaries. Court documents quoted by the Tribune also contend that Koepke provided Nitschke with specifics on Subway store procedures - information he subsequently utilized during his alleged robberies.

Police arrested the couple together Sunday, Dec. 11 after a Subway in Lakewood was staked out, presumably putting an end to a crime spree that began in September.

While both may soon be headed to jail, the bond that Nitschke and Koepke share may last a lifetime. As the saying goes: The couple that robs Subways together, stays together. - Harvey Steve, Love Related Crime Correspondent

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